


To Burn Ones Dread, Memento Mori.

by Earl_of_Bats



Category: Persona 4, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blindfolds, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Glove Kink, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Pillow Talk, Praise Kink, Sacrilege, Semi-established relationship, Shotgun Wedding, Stockings, mentions of religious institutions, p5r - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25460923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earl_of_Bats/pseuds/Earl_of_Bats
Summary: In which Akira has one last night before Goro is supposed to disappear forever and the two become closer than they ever thought possible.(Aka Tricking your potentially homicidal lover into marrying you before the world ends, Featuring Goro dissing on the entire Phantom Thieves.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Shirogane Naoto/Tatsumi Kanji
Comments: 7
Kudos: 79





	1. Fuck you and your friends too.

" feels better when you can't see doesn't it?" Goro said, his voice holding its usual perfect ineffable timbre.

The leather of Goro's gloves groaned as he splayed his fingers out against Akira's skin. the well-worn hide feeling smooth and cool leaving prickles of sensation in their wake as they skimmed the edges of a hardening bud. Although the other had to rely on his other senses at the moment, that didn’t mean Goro would stop himself from indulging in the sight that lay under him.

It had been difficult to find a moment of respite between the two But like always they were inexplicably drawn to each other, no matter how much pain it always seemed to cause And tonight was a more than perfect time to relish in it.

"you must be a fucking idiot to let your guard down like this" Goro said voice Stretching slightly with a subtle anguish Akira had come accustomed to over the last few days. Its openness sent elation down his spine a thrill he never expected to crave so thoroughly. Or maybe he had, maybe they both had.

Akira's' wrists were bound above his head, Akechi's tight belt wrapped wonderfully around his lithe wrists which rested gently against the plush downy fabric of Akira's bed pillow. It reminded Akechi of how treasures in palaces were often placed upon pillows as if somehow trying to appease it to a sense of comfort. It made his stomach roil with a feeling he had come to find peace in.

"I could flay you like a fucking pig, you know that?" Goro chuckled and something sounding like a smile seemed to reverberate from the tone, Akira couldn't be sure if it was bitter or not. But it made his head dizzy and his stomach fuzzy with some sharp nauseating excitement.

Akira let out short soft puffs of air, his face hot and flush with blood. He squirmed the embroidery of Goro's tie scratching the edges of his cheekbones, tickling against his eyelashes.  
The little grooves of thread tracing silly long stripe-like patterns into his eyelids.  
They remind him of Loki, The thought of which aroused him in ways foreign to him, strange and alien.

" I'd spill your guts out all over this filthy attic floor like the goddamn animal you are" Goro's voice became thick with that power he felt when he called upon the worst parts of himself, needy and vitriolic. Despite the Harshness of his words Akira couldn't help but come to the realization that this tone was his favorite, the reaction of which was evident in the painful twitch of Akira's member, which leaned uselessly against his inner thigh.

The leather of Goro's glove squeezed tightly as he gripped Akira's hip. his other hand pressed into the tightening muscle of his abdomen, and slid ever so slightly into the slick left by Akiras leaking cock.

" but that's what you like isn't it?” Akechi's laugh sounded definitively bitter this time, dragging on the tension that filled the room. “The danger, right?”. Feeling his stomach tighten in an odd mixture of fear and uncertainty, Akira offered a small whimper in return.

Goro pressed harder into the area just above the other’s pubic bone before sliding back up to wrap his hand around his neck, grasping at his trachea, the whimper from earlier strangling out into a small pathetic thing. Akira rutted up against the firm leg between his thighs, noting that Goro must have taken his pants off at some point. Goro's hair was naturally fine and silky, unlike Akira who had taken a habit of shaving the rougher coarse hair, that while sparse, he found irritating under his tighter fitting clothes and found his skin far more pleasurable when covered in the fine sensual stretch of nylon stockings when shaved, those of which were currently, lovingly pinching the flesh of his thighs.

"God, the pleasure I'd take in rending your flesh from your bone,” he mused, “you spoil me, you know that?" Goro sighed, the hand that had kept itself attached to Akira's hip making a slow, eventual crawl to the soft underbelly of his knee, sliding across the plane of nylon. the sensation of which drove a long desperate moan from Akira's lips, pleasure shooting from where Goro’s fingertips rubbed against the fabric and back up his spine, which arched upwards at the motion. He then hoisted his leg up and over, angling Akira ever so slightly towards his side, spreading him further in an expression of his own pleasure. He let Akiras knee rest at his shoulder,his hand-finishing its journey down his nylon-clad leg and past his ankles, then up and along the arch of his foot before his fingers curled at his toes, pressing into the pads forcing Akira to elicit small, squirmy mewls.

"Letting me hold your life in my hands like this."  
Goro's voice softened in a way that if joker didn't know better could be described as condescending.  
He felt a cool, sharp intake of breath and then a warm shaky exhale accompanied by the damp press of Goro's lips against his sensitive inner sole, distracting him as Goro's member slid against the junction of Akira pelvis and towards his entrance.

"and for what? to chase some petty selfish desire like lust?" This time Goro's voice turned into something dark and looming laced with the warming tang of something akin to disgust. Akira moaned at the sound of it, his breath rattling the flesh across his ribcage, breath catching at the dull press of Goro's Cock against him. he gave way to a firm slide and tight jerk as Goro hilted himself fully in one stuttered motion, the press of which gave a perfect level of resistance.  
the small twinge of pain mixed with the smooth slide of lube copiously spread against his walls sent his thoughts spiraling into incoherency.

"fine, I can't say I dont find pleasure in the prospect of fucking your guts in while you pant and yelp like a bitch in heat," Goro spoke through clenched teeth as he slid his cock back, Akiras walls protesting against the movement, gripping tightly against his member. "call it a mutually beneficial exchange," His words accompanied by a smug groan as he snapped back roughly, edging Akira further up the bed the sudden movement causing him to jump, hips moving away from Goro's thrust. Goro pulled him back, pressing deeper into Akira as he started ramming brutally in a small controlled rhythm.

"you give me control, I give you a chance to relish in your own depravity like some opulent concubine," Goro said, voice rumbling like a twisted bramble. Akira's moans caught in his throat with each inward thrust, thoughts slipping past him as his cock bobbed against his pelvis, dripping short spurts of precum against the well-worn cotton sheets, a thin line of which stretched from the puddle to Akiras tip.

"I hate how much I want this... to be honest"  
Goro laughed hollow and aching as if straining against some tight lid boiling over into something too raw and too dangerous to mention. "I hate how much I ... I want you." Goro choked out, grinding his hips deeper, his member barreling down onto his prostate causing Akiras breath to halt, the tip of his cock pressed against the puddle of precum on the bed, wetting his head in slick sheen.

"Oh, god" Akira gasped, desperately trying to push air into his lungs. Goro's hands, His words, his voice pulled at him from all sides, his mind failing to grasp at some lame witty remark or pathetic sly rebuke that swam uselessly through his thoughts. Goro was consuming him like he often did pushing him past any sense of self or anything even remotely close to the concept. challenging him like always, giving him the space to delve deeper and deeper into the darkest parts of his psyche only to demand more. 

"Tempt me to be satisfied with this self-indulgent mediocrity" Goro's voice slithered out, hissing, spilling over, grating against his lips with hatred. His strokes became long and torturous, angled perfectly to slide along that small, innocuous, bump inside Akira that made his toes curl and stretch against the nylon of his stockings. “Make me want to forget that this fantasy is... some sick design, meant to appease some twisted desire for shallow happiness" He leaned forward, pushing Akira's thigh to rest against his hip, spreading him wider allowing Goro to shift deeper. His thrusts moving in steady rolls stroking tenderly against his prostate every breath pushing desperate pleasured moans from his lungs.

"your visage.... under me like this... in my hands, begging me to desire... being something ... someone I'm not." Like a tremulous storm, The wave of anger crashed through him, Goro's breath becoming heavier as the pit in his stomach rose up to his chest and into his throat, his voice became wet with something tender and undoubtedly tragic.

"I ... oh." 

Akira felt something drip against his face, splashing off his cheek and dripping down to his lips, It was slightly warm and tasted like salt, and some other distinct but undefinable flavor.  
They were tears. Goro was crying. Suddenly, something hot and shameful shot through Akira like a bullet, a tight, choked out sob shook his frame, his body pulling taught as he let out a deep, heady groan. his walls clenching painfully around Goro.

Akira couldn't parse exactly why the prospect of Akechi crying above him sent odd shivering signals of elation through his spine. Maybe it was the prospect of Goro's loss of control over himself, maybe it was the fact that he was to blame for the tears, but at the moment it really didn’t matter. He shifted his body forward, impaling himself onto Goro's member chasing the friction, in what he could only assume, was a pleasurable display of desperation. Goro would never forgive him if he bothered to question his agency over of a few measly tears, sex was always an emotionally charged activity between them.

Goro gasped before letting out a long, sly, appraising humm.  
"hmm, you sick fuck..." Goro chuckled, his thrusts jerking back into their sharp rhythm, Akira pushing into the thrusts while twisting his hips in hopes of moving Goro back into stroking his prostate with abandon. 

"god, haha-hnng I hate you so fucking much.." Goro said, his moan catching into something desperate, wild and unhinged. his hands moving to hold Akira still as he chased his own pleasure

"This? Is this what you... wanted?" Goro asked mockingly his hips moving in a jerky unsatisfying movement."Whos fantasy is this yours or mine?" he spat, leaning further into Akira, stretching his leg painfully, squeezing It between them.

"Does it even fucking matter?" Goro chuckled gingerly as if it were some genuine posit of interest before shaking it off. the whisps of his sweat-soaked hair brushing tantalizingly against Akiras pert nipple evoking a small surprised gasp and twitch of a muscle."Its not fucking real anyway, just, some, ughh pathetic excuse for ah- retro- retribution," Goro groaned, defeated. Leaning back, he readjusted his hips, rolling again in its assault against Akira.  
A gloved hand reached around to tenderly wrap Akira's neglected penis in its grasp, stroking in time with each thrust.  
"Fuck you're so fucking good,” He spoke, “ so good, so perfect," Goro was moaning now, the sound of which wasn't too dissimilar to that of weeping. It made Akira shiver and tighten, clenching and unclenching in uncontrolled erratic spasms.",like you were made for me. You were, weren't you though? made for me..." He panted, desperation oozing from his words, his lips mouthing at any flesh left to its devices. 

"Made to be whatever this...ffffuhhhnnn" Goro stuttered breaking off into a clenched off moan.

" This is" Goro panted hot wet needy against Akiras skin."Such a fucking waste" Goro moaned his thrusts losing their flow as he moved his hand quickly and without mercy against Akira.

"Like some sick joke" Goro hissed.

Akira came, his free leg pushing up against the bed, slipping as his nylon-clad toes scrambled to find purchase against the sheets, but failing miserably. his other leg tensed around the crick of Goro's neck, his insides pulsing with each thick rope of cum that splashed against his chest and Goro's worn leather glove.

" ah! god yes, ahn~" Goro's thrusts continued in jagged, long strokes, getting gradually more erratic before stuttering into a short shiver as he found his own orgasm.

"..."

There was a moment as Goro slid himself free, a wet pop trailing cum against Akiras sweat-slicked thigh 

"Thank you..." Goro mumbled as he unhooked Akiras leg, laying it to rest gently over the other and promptly collapsing against Akira with a damp slap of skin."I'm sorry for being so selfish," Goro whispered genuine and kind."I wonder if the situation was reversed id be as strong as you are" He posited wistfully.

"But no more what ifs...They're pointless" He spoke, his voice hesitant as he shifted his body to fit better into the groove of Akira's form.

They lay breathing silently, their chests falling and rising in an uneven tandem.

"I guess this is love though ... what I feel for you, I wouldn't know though.. I don't care enough to know. Doesn't matter anyway." His words were slow and careful as they were uttered onto Akira's' nape, his voice muffled ever so slightly by the press of his lips against the skin there.

Akira swallowed thickly his eyelashes becoming Dewey and wet."Maybe I'm just in love with the fact I feel like you can see me, understand me...In love with the fact you love me." Goro spoke again, voice tainted with bitterness.

"Obviously not in love enough to lie to yourself" Akira replied, voice strained from a lack of use but clear and crystalline in purpose and tone.

Goro breathed out a soft, warm chuckle. “Yeah, I suppose so.” Somehow Akira still found ways to be truly unfathomable.

Moving to sit upwards, Akira used his bound hands to lift the tie-up and over his head shaking off the strands of hair stuck to his forehead before awkwardly carding his hands through his bangs, spitting out some lint caught at the corner of his mouth.

"Though honestly, I think it's the same."

Goro looked up from where he lay. Akira had maneuvered into a cross-legged position, his bound hands resting against his ankles. one of the stockings curled down his leg and was now bunched up against his calf. but despite his disheveled look Akira still seemed poised and almost regal in a strange post-coitus sort of way.

"Obviously I love everyone else but like... I don't know if they really see the real me...Or just some personal version of me they've made up for themselves... I mean that's what it feels like and I don't mind it honestly I think I like it that way it makes them happy" as Akira spoke his fingers twitched with the impulse to rub his neck Goro wore a gentle smirk at realizing this. he moved his gloved hand to his mouth biting down on the leather, using his teeth to pull off the now soiled glove. freeing his hand to trace the line of the bunched up stocking.

"you just... I don't know, I guess it feels like you didn't even bother making up a version of me, you just took me in as I was, and well ... I guess you kinda hate it too, yeah?" Akira said locking eyes with Goro, his expression open and passive.

"... yea" Goro smirked bashfully turning his gaze back towards his restless fingers. twisting and plucking at the stretchy fabric.

"but that's just cuz you desire it, right?" Akira said a small bout of playfulness coloring his words.

Goro's smirk faded as his eyes glazed over with something cold. "I don't deserve it... and I'm jealous because you do... you deserve it."  
Goro, let out a shuddered exhale.  
"and I want to give it to you...." Goro snapped the nylon against Akira as he drew his hand away and back towards himself.

"I mean you did a pretty good job" Akira crooned with a devilish lilt.  
"what?" Goro turned his head up in a strange mixture of confusion and surprise, his expression one could only call indignant.

"giving it to me, like a hot damn dude." Akira bit at his lip running his clasped hands over his leg leaning back against the headboard of his bed slowly unfurling. 

"ughh dont call me 'dude' its repulsive" Goro groaned leaning up onto his arms his face scrunching up into itself in disgust.

"why cuz I sound like Ryuji?" Akira chuckled, flopping back down into his cross-legged position covering his mouth with his wrists. trying not to let out any of the giggles that were starting to bubble in his chest.

"ughhhhh yes, I despise it" Goro sighed, flopping down onto his back head resting in Akiras lap eyes-rolling. there's a moment of peace as Akira carded awkwardly through Goro's hair petting him. Goro's eyes fluttering shut as he deflated into the sensation.

"who do you hate the most?" Akira asked in a tender voice somewhere far off and soothing.

"huh? of your friends?" Goro asked confusedly, opening an eye to get a look at Akiras warm gentle smile.

"Elementary dear Watson," Akira jokes, a smile turning ever so slightly devious.

"oh fuck off... though hmmm I don't know '' Goro huffed covering his eyes with his inner elbow.

"just go top to bottom then," Akira said as if it was the most obvious and most mundane thing anyone could possibly have asked.

"you're rather a morbid aren't you" Goro scoffed wryly.

Akira shrugged accidentally, bonking Goro on the head with his belt buckle as his wrists moved back down from the motion.

"it's rather endearing I guess" Goro muttered almost to himself before continuing.  
"well fine, Who do you want to get my opinion on"  
he said with a sense of finality.

"Mann idk Annie Minie Minney mo uh Ann" Akira considered playfully.

"She's blonde, next" Goro stated abruptly moving his hand from his face to his side with a soft thump.

"c'mon dude seriously." Akira deadpanned, mouth placed in a firm unamused line across his face.  
Goro huffed shifting in slight discomfort. talking about himself and his true feelings was still an odd novelty to him.  
"Fine, hmmm she seems to care about people in a way that makes it seem like she's always just assuming the best in people and it comes off as childish and naive" Goro acquiesced rolling his wrist lazily in the air.

"cuz she tried to see the best in you" Akira retorted a smug sly slant to his grin.

"..."

"next" Goro demanded.

"Okay Makoto" Akira offered

"Shes... I guess for her... I hate her because she has a sense of justice and conviction that a younger me would have drooled over like a lovesick puppy." Goro gave, feeling rather defeated by Akiras coaxings.

"so you had a crush on her" Akira deduced, pointing a casual but accusatory finger at Goro.

"Ughh, she's too headstrong in her conviction in what she thinks is morally right it goes right around into a circle jerk of moral authority, it's suffocating... but yes I figure if things were different.." Goro groaned, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

"You'd admire her," Akira said twisting a strand of Goro's hair on his finger possessively.

"ugh, disgusting" Goro grimaced.

"Yusuke" Akira continued

"He's a pervert wrapped in pretentious platitudes and the amount of arrogance to live in whatever delusional idealistic world he inhabits is utterly astounding"  
Goro said before taking a frustrated breath  
"and worst of all he survives purely on the goodwill of others" Goro finished.

"like me?" Akira replied mirth edging the corners of his words.

"and the rest of you, enablers the lot of you" Goro scolded.

"I don't mind supporting people, I enjoy it," Akira said genuinely and with conviction

" I wish I did" Goron sighed

Akira's brows angled upward in an inquisitive and slightly confused manner  
"really?" Akira doubted

"no... I guess not" Goro admitted absent mindedly letting his hands wander onto the leather straps holding Akiras wrists together.

Akira gave a soft chuckle before continuing  
" Okay, Morgana"

"What the cat?" Goro questioned indignantly and genuinely taken off guard.

"Well, yea" Akira laughed amused by Goro's surprise.

"I dont fucking know I always just sorta, he's kinda just, a mascot I guess" Goro voiced somewhat agitated.

"hmm" Akira hummed pushing Goro to continue  
"he's pushy, Like some dotting housewife, but it's coming from a bobble-headed cartoon character or a fucking cat. It's absurd, It makes me feel absurd" Goro huffed, pouting his lower lip and scrunching his face in a way reminiscent to that of a petulant child.

"Wow, who knew you could be so petty?" Akira laughed, positioning his hands so that Goro could free him of his binds.

"me petty? really now, you just realized?" Goro said giving Akira a sly and flirty smirk flicking the tail end of the belt freeing it from its loop.

"haha no actually you're right, you suck" Akira pointed returning Goro's playful grin twofold.

"ah, that's more like it" Goro sighed in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"So seriously who do you hate most, other than me obviously," Akira asked, freeing himself from the rest of the binds stretching his hands out and rubbing away the sharp bruised feelings of his wrists.

"I don't know probably Haru or Ryuji '' Goro replied casually taking Akiras wrists up to his lips and pressed them against the raw sensitive flesh there.

"What about Futaba," Akira asked, peering down at Goro through his fringe.

"I don't really hate Futaba..." Goro said, averting his eyes gently, ghosting his thumb over Akira's Inner wrist.

"why cuz you feel bad for uhh you know her mom?" Akira fumbled his grin turning into something infuriatingly lopsided and awkward.

"ugh, Jesus Akira real bastard aren't you" Goro rebuked, pressing his thumb into Akira's sore flesh causing him to squirm away from the pain before he slid his fingers down between Goro's interlacing the pair.

"aside from your poor choice of wording in all honesty, I don't really think I feel bad for it as much as I feel bad it happened...It's hard to explain" Goro lamented letting his voice teter off in a lack of resolve.

"no, I get it" Akira shook his head, his stray hairs falling away from his eyes.

" ... you don't really even feel responsible for it even if you're the one who did it." Akira continued squeezing Goro's hand in affirmation.  
"Not like it was an accident, but that you weren't really fully aware of yourself or like your actions, I guess" Akira posited letting one of his hands fall from Goro and grip the back of his neck scratching there in its usual habit.

"I suppose that doesn't justify it obviously," Goro relented.

"Obviously not." Akira agreed his hand back down to Goro's resting it upon Goro's open palm

"but no that's not why... I guess I hate how much I relate to her... or I guess I hate how well she's done" Goro mumbled tracing patterns along Akiras palm

"you don't relate to Haru?" Akira flinched, his palms becoming ticklish from Goro's movements.

" God no... I can't imagine wanting to forgive my father, I can't understand how she can even think of having sympathy for someone who thinks so little of her.” Goro fumed removing his hand from Akira clenching it into a small balled fist running the knuckles over his forehead and into his hair in frustration.

"It angers you that she wasn't angry enough to seek revenge as you did" Akira mused, placing his hand against Goro's cheek, his fingertips running through his hair to fiddle with the lobe of his ear.

"...." Goro blanched an unreadable look of admiration and confusion crossing his face mouth gaping with a lack of speech

"What about Ryuji then?" Akira continued releasing Goro from his hold stretching his body upward elongating in a languid and sensual manner.

"He's loud and obnoxious and stupid" Goro balked blinking up at Akira's body bent into something of a prayer pose knees tucked under his body hands splayed against Akira thighs.

"pfff, even Ryuji could tell you that what is it really huh? you just hate him cuz he's my best friend?" Akira chuckled, swatting away at Goro's hands.  
"Yes." Goro answered, his grip tightening his gaze shifting into something intense, hungry, and all-consuming.

"o-oh...." Akira marveled, his breathing becoming short as his chest tightened around his ribs, heart beating in some strange humm.

"I wish it was me" Goro stressed leaning into Akiras space, his breathing coming out ragged against Akiras lips moving down to press against Akiras jugular teeth grazing the skin there.  
"oh wow…" Akira gasped  
"Jesus that's pretty fucked up" Akira continued letting out a short breathy chortle.  
"yea, I figured you'd realized that much by now" Goro teased his lips stretching across Akiras neck before nipping at him playfully.

"I mean I guess I had, you really do love me don't you?" Akira questioned, seemingly baffled, his hand gripping against Goro's neck.

"probably." Goro jeered taking a firm section of flesh between his teeth pressing down with a gentle squeeze  
Akira swallowed his voice catching on the lump that made its way into his throat.  
"madly even" Goro whispered hot breath ghosting over the indents left in Akiras skin.

"I love you too" Akira professed  
"madly"  
Akira smiled as Goro leaned into the crook of Akira's neck covering his blushing cheeks there leaving soft chuckled breaths against Akira's shoulder.

"I'm giving it all up for you by the way... not for anyone else Goro... for you. because I know you need it. I know you would rather be dead than here pretending…" Akira said his voice tender as if holding something precious and fragile in its grasp.

"yes, thank you." Goro breathed equally as tender.

"It's because you deserve it, and I want to give it to you" Akira smirked twisting his body gently in Goros grasp relishing in the rub of skin against skin as he nuzzled into him.

"It hurts obviously, knowing I won't have you here, with me, i'd give up just about anything to have this but I couldn't give up...couldn't sacrifice your light like that" Akira confessed leaning down against the bed pulling Goro down to rest atop his chest hands carding through Goro's silky locks

"my light?" Goro inquired, perplexed by Akiras strange use of words.

"Your passion, your determination, that inexplicable YOUness" Akira clarified casting his gaze upward towards the ceiling.

"shut up you'll make me hard again" Goro teased running his hands down Akiras sides suggestively

"Can I make love to you?" Akira asked turning his gaze back towards Goro once again  
"...mmm" Goro hummed groggily before continuing  
"wasn't that what we just finished doing?" He rebuked, his hands coming to stop at the junction of Akiras hips.

"no you were making love to me, I wanna do it the other way this time" Akira corrected shifting his weight slightly to rest on his elbows.

"oh, so you want to be on top" Goro prodded, rolling his eyes, pulling himself to eye level.

"I mean sure, that isn't what I meant" Akira acquiesced giving a disinterested shrug.

"what the fuck did you mean then" Goro jeered.

"I mean I thought earlier I really want to see you when you cry" Akira admitted shyly blush creeping his cheeks as he averted Goro's gaze finger pinching and twirling a stray piece of hair.

"oh, so is that what does it for you?" Goro chided an amused grin plastering his face.

"a bit yea" Akira admitted

"God, you're depraved," Goro purred, crawling to box Akira in.

"yea" Akira grinned before grabbing forcefully at Goro's upper arm leveraging his weight to flip Goro over onto his back knocking the breath from his lungs with a firm omf!

"you're so-" Goro said voice filled with something strange and filled with awe

"incorrigible?" Akira interjected leaning in to run his lips against Goro's ear

"unfathomable" Goro gasped breathlessly.

Akira gave out a full-bodied laugh, his hand reaching down to cup at the Goro's half-masted arousal.

"Let me see you cry" Akira pleaded kissing and mouthing at Goro's exposed neck.

"anything" Goro relented, opening his arms to let Akira closer.  
needing him closer.


	2. Newfound Nostalgia

"you're unbelievably pretty"  
Akira ran his hands down moving to knead at the tender plush of Goro's ass spreading and squeezing the muscle, firming and relaxing at his ministrations.

"Akira, please you can do better than that."  
Goro huffed pushing slightly at the mop of hair tickling his chin.

Akira nudged, tilting Goro's hips, hands shifting, and playing with the open container of lube placed on the sill of his window. moonlight glistening over the slick ointment.

"heh, yea you're right I'm sure you've heard that plenty, lovely school girls and creepy old men, You'd been using your looks as a weapon for years…guess it was another tool to you huh?"  
Akira looked up, eyes challenging Goro ever so slightly with their gaze. his hand resting on Goro's hip the other slipping a lubed finger past the cleft of his ass.

"Ah, very smart kurusu I'm proud of your deductive prowess, truly in awe" Goro ruffled pinching at Akira's cheek. teeth nipping at his lip with a subtle wince, abdomen tensing with the newfound intrusion.

"You must look so much like your mother, I don't see anything close to your father when I look at you." Akira sighed leaning into the touch pushing his face into Goro's palm forcing him to hold his cheek.  
Akira pulled his finger back before shifting it in further. starting a slow languid rhythm exploring the small grooves of Goro's walls.

"I was just like her, wasn't I? using her talents to sell myself like a whore. manipulated by older men looking and thirsting for power" Goro lilted stroking at Akira's face tenderly. soft breaths becoming slightly more ragged with each pull and push of Akira's ministrations.

"did you hate her for it?"  
Akira kissed Goro's wrist, closing his eyes, taking a moment to breathe in Goro's scent. a second finger teasing at his entrance.

"as much as I hated myself for it, but I, no if you're wondering if I hate my mother, I dont… I … I wish I had been enough to make her happy I suppose" Goro explained drawing Akira into his space closing the distance pressing his lips against Akira's crown.

Akira rubbed soft circles around the rim pressing at the sensitive flesh there before entering his second finger, spreading them slightly before curling them gently against his prostate.  
"You make me happy," Akira nuzzled, pressing up against Goro's jaw leaning into his shoulder.

Goro shuddered a sudden wave of warmth passing over him.  
"Ah seems you've won" Goro's voice shook, a few Dewey tears falling free from his eyes silently making their way down his cheeks one after the other.

"you have a hard time saying you love things? people? don't you?" Akira smiled reaching his hand up to wipe away the droplets, his tongue peeking out to trail through the rivulets of tears. his third finger stroking and teasing his rim with every shallow thrust of his fingers. Brushing and pressing at his prostate in a stilted arrhythmic fashion, never being quite enough but also far too much all at the same time.

"It's hard when no one ever loved you before." Goro gasped, closing his eyes at the strange sensation.

"I'm sure she loved you"  
Akira whispered lips pressed at the corner of Goro's eye, forehead resting against his temple. His fingers moving a little faster and a little rougher his third finger prodding and pushing but not quite entering the fold.

a moment passed as Goro adjusted to the new rhythm before Akira's words dawned on him he paused a moment before looking down at him seeking his features for some sort of deception or jest, finding none Goro barked, "HAH! god, I wish" his chest rose and fell with soundless bitter laughter.  
"… what a silly sentiment kurusu. Loved me? did you hit your head? have you already forgotten what I told you? she killed herself, because of me. I was such an irreparably useless child she off’d herself." Goro laughed acid pooling thick and sharp, his words acrid, unhinged.

" 'She was happy when I pretended to be an ally of justice’," Akira rebuked, his stare holding Goro hostage with its unabashed intensity. Akira's thrust stilling to a mildly disinterested squirm.

"what?" Goro gaped dumbly. legs twisting to accommodate the strangeness of Akira's intrusion.

"That's what you said when you were a kid you'd play with a toy gun, 'one for all, all for justice' and you said that made her happy, was that a lie?" Akira asked breathless and enamored as if holding onto the sheer edge of some precipice hoping against all hopes that the answer was a confirmation of a small string of genuine nature Goro had shared with him at some point and not the endless threads of falsehoods that made up the better bulk of their knowledge of one another.

"Are we really going to talk about my childhood memories while you finger my ass?" Goro deflected, uncomfortable with the newfound conviction in which Akira demanded honesty from him.

"..." Akira pauses his fingers moving deeper into Goro in an act of defiance.

"of course we are Jesus… also, wait I never, I never told you what the gun was called… I wouldn't have thought to, how?" Goro deflated, covering a hand over his face to hide the flush of shame and bemusement present on his features.

"you wrote it on a crossword you left at the cafe just a little scribble" Akira explained, moving to be more forward-facing.

"The gun's name was at least two sentences long, what?" Goro sputtered, his mind struggling to collect words into thoughts and ideas.

"Proof of Justice" Akira insisted as if to impart the meaning through tone alone.

"I'm genuinely confused?" Goro gave, utterly incapable of piecing the conversation together.

"after …. After you were gone I spent two days scouring the city trying to figure out what 'proof of justice' meant. That was all you had written. I thought maybe it was a clue or something you left for me" Akira clarified trembling slightly at the memory.

"Bit paranoid of you" Goro snarked, uncovering his face to take in Akira's foolishness.

" that's not the half of it I talked to every person we ever interacted with together " Akira laughed knowing how foolish he was.

"and someone actually knew?" Goro asked, befuddled by the possibility.

"God no, I had given up until I saw some kid screaming at his dad to get the gun for him, went up and asked what they were talking about and they pointed me to the toy store display." Akira huffed, laughter pressing at the corners of his mouth.

"Ah fate once again smiled upon you I see" Goro gave a triumphant press of his palm to his heart feigning a silly dramatic pose.

"OH WAIT, THAT REMINDS ME HERE! " Akira jumped his fingers slipping out from Goro with a firm slide, running forcefully over his prostate as it left him with a solid pop.

"ahn fuck~" Goro moaned the sensation sending tingles through his spine.

"Oops sorry, just one sec" Akira whispered looking back with an apologetic wince. Akira pranced daintily over to the corner of his dresser sifting through boxes and drawers before excitedly hopping back to the bed holding out his prize to Goro.

It was a shiny colorful box with loud expressive words splattered across its edges. A clear plastic film displayed the contents, A toy gun. it dawned on Goro slowly that this was the very same replica that he had played with as a child. The knowledge of which sent him reeling with the absolute absurdity of it.  
"Are you fucking kidding me Akira? you bought the damn gun?" Goro balked nearly frustrated with the overwhelming undefinable swell of emotion swirling through his body.

" It cost me nearly 33,000 yen," Akira stated proudly.

"My god you're disgusting" Goro felt like he was going to vomit.

"that's not the half of it, I watched every single fucking episode of Pheonix Ranger Featherman R" Akira beamed giving Goro one of the widest grins hed ever seen.

"You have to be shitting me Akira" He was Dumbfounded, entirely lost for anything meaningful. The sheer stupidity of his dedication to some inane useless detail in his life being treated like a goddamn lifeboat.

"I cried nearly the whole way through too, God the look Morgana was giving me" He laughed pointing over to where Morgana usually sat when sitting far too close to watch tv.

" Sickening truly sickening." Goro shook his head in resignation.

Goro sat in a moment of silence as he looked at the box that was now in his hands… This version was far shinier and more detailed than the one he had as a kid. It felt heavier, good, he supposed.

"So... who was your favorite…Ranger..." Goro asked tentatively as if the words would get him in trouble for some unknown reason.

"Black Condor" Akira responded quickly as if he had been expecting the question.

Goro gave a small laugh in response to Akira's eagerness "ah, cuz he was the troubled leader?"

"He reminded me of you, your favorite was Red Hawk though yea?" Akira asked, pointing to the portrait of a red hawk that was printed on the back of the box.

"It was the get-up wasn't it?" Goro bemoaned, embarrassment of his past transparencies.

"Yea…you know Red Hawk is Futaba's favorite too" Akira nodded, thinking fondly of Futaba's own enthusiasm on the subject.

"of course Futaba likes the Red Hawk Jesus, and of course, of course, she's a Featherman fan" Goro raved dragging his fingers down across his face.

"yea she was so excited when I asked to borrow the DVDs from her. she has all the action figures, she got soo mad when Yusuke posed them all though." Akira ran a tender hand through Goro's hair twirling a lock between his fingers.

"I knew I was right for hating Yusuke," Goro scoffed, one did not move another's belongings without explicit agreement or social condition in place. The world had rules god damn it.

"Pfft, guess so, but you like Hawk cuz he's the delinquent with a heart of gold and a strong sense of justice, Seems like you have a type don't you?" Akira continued, his smile widening, fingers tugging on Goro's tangled lock. It was a surprisingly pleasant sensation.

"Oh my god, Just go die." Goro swatted at Akira's hands. He was amazed at how Akira managed to be so unbelievably irritating sometimes, most times. How he always managed to be endearing and always dug down to parts of Goro he barely had considered himself "Though I liked Black Condor too… more so after everything that happened…But I hated relating to him because I felt so alone whenever I did. I liked Red Hawk because he was a loner and It comforted me to think I didn't need anyone else either." Goro sighed, a wave of sadness he could only describe as being nostalgic passed over him.

"He did need people though…Even after his betrayal, Black Condor reached out to him…" Akira rebutted, nearly insulted. that had been the most impactful episode of the show for him and to ignore important character development like that was an absolute sin. He had half the mind to cease all of their plans so he could force Goro to watch the episode again.

"Oh god this is getting ridiculous, did he fuck him too?" Goro shifted, bumping his head against the back wall rolling his eyes. the similarities of his own life and the life of a silly children's show had far too much in common for him to be comfortable with it.

"no Red Hawk marries blue swan and then Black Condor like disappears I guess?? THOUGH there was an episode where Red Hawk pretended to be a girl and ended up having to pretend to be Black Condors wife" Akira exclaimed with a finger tapping his lip.

"I remember that episode, it stirred quite a few feelings in me as a young boy" Goro rubbed his chin absentmindedly.

"Pretty sure Black Condor was in love with Red Hawk" Akira nodded, running a hand through his hair.

"mmm maybe…" Goro hummed giving the box a small caress.

"I could have been projecting…but apparently a lot of people agree that maybe it's what the show writers wanted… but the mean old executives " Akira moved in closer giving small peppered kisses along the plane of Goro's neck his hand moving to fondle at Goro's length.

"ahn fuck Akira" Goro squirmed gripping the assaulting arm tightly as his erection took interest once again.

" didn't want to-" Akira gave Goro a firm stroke running a thumb over the head, teasing at the slit.

"Fuck stop" Goro tried to pull his legs closer up against his body. His tip was especially sensitive and Akira always felt the need to tease him about it.

"-commit to that." Akira ran his hands down to the base giving small squeezing pulses up the shaft.

"Ah, Ah" Goro choked back soft gasps.

"Show got too popular, I guess" Akira began a steady even stroke, nose pressed firmly behind Goro's ear breathing in the smell of his sweat-soaked hair.

"Shut up," Goro moaned dick twitching, a small bead of precum dripping from his swollen tip.

"I love touching you, you're so responsive" Akira chuckled, twisting his hand around Goro spreading the slick down Goro's shaft, lubricating it.

" Mmmmm! bastard" Goro groaned, squirming as Akira touched his head, teasing it with feather-light touches.

Akira moved to angle his face to press his lips against Goro's, fingertips gently played along with Goro's cock, Akira brushing his tongue along Goro's mouth coaxing him into opening himself up to its exploration.  
With some hesitance, Goro acquiesced, meeting him with a sensual drag and tepid slide of wet tongue. Goro began to lap at Akira gently, and with a certain chasteness he rarely allowed himself to show interest in.

"Mnn" Goro quivered slightly, cock jerking as Akira's free hand slithered over the shell of his ear and down his jaw. Akira broke free of Goro's kiss, his fingers having made their way to press against his lips and into Goro's mouth.

"Your tongue is so soft-" Akira slid the pads of his fingers against Goro's tongue spreading and twisting, opening Goro's mouth further, folding and swirling his digits around his tongue until it became pliant and sloppy. Spit beginning to drivel and pool at Goro's chin. Some messy fuzzy feeling pooled at Goro's gut as he began to thrust his hips in desperate little jerks, breaths coming out in heady pathetic mewls.

"-You're so soft"  
Akira removed his fingers now dripping and trailing saliva. He nudged Goro's thighs apart, spreading them as he moved his fingers to press against Goro, tracing soft circles around his rim.

"please fuck just unnff" Goro groaned, hands coming to pull at Akira hair, The twisting desire in his gut becoming painful.

"haha god… you're already twitching. You want it dont you?" Akira chuckled as he pressed and released at Goro's entrance. Never putting enough weight into the push to slide in but enough that he was sure Goro could feel it, come to want it.

"Please don't make me" Goro panted, blush spreading down his neck. He hated it when Akira forced him to beg, it weakened him, forced hot shame to flow through his blood and mind, Forced him to be vulnerable. It sickened him, but he knew how arousing it was to see something so strong reduced down to a panting horny mess, he couldn't fault Akira for wanting him like that too.

Akira continued wrapping his hand around Goro's length in a weak grip lazily stroking it. Squeezing it off at the tip, in a controlled rhythmic pattern. Similar to that of his other hand which continued it's infuriating ebb and flow against his entrance.

"but I love hearing you ask for it." Akira gave a painfully tight squeeze to Goro's base before continuing "demanding it even." He loosened his grip as he moved to fondle lightly at the tip "You deserve it… god, you deserve it" Akira tightened his grip giving a firm satisfying stroke down as he finally pressed his fingers into the warm velvety heat of Goro's insides.

"AHNNn, Fuck yes~" Goro bucked upwards into Akira's hands twisting his hips back in an attempt to rock down against his fingers.

Akira smiled pressing a trail of small peckish kisses down Goro's neck and chest lapping at his nipples before trailing his tongue down Goro's navel stopping to ghost his lips against Goro’s jutting cock.  
Akira tilted his eyes to gaze at Goro,  
"Mnnn… id marry you, you know" Akira pressed his lips to Goro's tip eyes half-lidded as he dragged his lips down the shaft, following his hand in its stroke, sensual gaze transfixed on Goro's hazy disheveled expression.

"what the fuck" Goro sputtered, the feeling of Akira's lips against his shaft and his strange words knocking him off-kilter his brain flopping about in a foolish attempt at keeping composure.

"you’d look so fucking good in white" Akira dragged his tongue against Goro's length. A long wet stripe of saliva lubricating the gliding stroke of Akira's hand. He twisted his fingers downward, forcibly rubbing at Goro's prostate.

"uhnn~" Goro moaned, the sudden sharp shooting pleasure distracting him from Akira's shamefully sentimental words.

"I want to make you feel good. you're so beautiful, such a good boy," Akira kissed softly at Goro's tip, hand easing up on his shaft once again.

"then stop fucking teasing~ Ahn" Goro growled before Akira was suddenly enveloping him in the wet sultry heat of his mouth. In one fell swoop, Akira had swallowed him down to his base. Goro's tip pressing against the fluttering cusp of Akira's throat.

Akira forced himself to breathe through his nose as his uvula and trachea spasmed at the intrusion, He Instead focused on pressing into Goro's prostate, thrusting firmly before pulling his mouth back making sure his tongue slid flat against the shaft.

"Oh fuck Akira God~ please yes~" Goro gasped, the sensation overwhelming as tears began to prick at the corner of his eyes. Akira locked eyes with Goro, gaze shining with a heady glint of desire and arousal before Akira, once again, was lowering Goro's cock into his mouth, tongue lapping and tracing at his skin.

Goro gave short stuttered jerks, thrusting shyly into Akira's mouth. Goro gripped and tugged lightly at Akira's hair as he guided him to suck and lick at his most sensitive parts, his other hand coming to cover his mouth biting down on his finger as he kept himself from letting out unmuffled ragged breaths and moans.

Akira was so unbelievably wonderful it hurt, his mouth, his lips, the press and pull of his fingers, the way tears streaked down his cheek as he sucked, the way his tongue wrapped and licked around his head. It was all fully and entirely too much, his orgasm was fastly approaching and he was entirely incapable of stopping its approach.

"s-so close d-donnnn~~ Fuck" Goro released Akira's hair as he covered his mouth with both hands, a long anguished moan crawling its way from his chest.

Then suddenly the delicious heat of Akira's mouth was gone with a messy wet pop. Akira stared up at Goro with a truly evil grin plastered from cheek to cheek.  
"mm you taste so good" Akira licked at his lips slowly teasing around Goro's prostate with a gentle circular motion that just barely pressed at its edges, terribly, horribly evil. 

"then let me cum you asshole" Goro fumed voice cracking with an intense distressing need.

"ah, but then I wouldn't be able to look at you falling apart like this," Akira batted his eyelashes in faux innocence, pressing firmly and harshly against Goro's prostate in a sudden violent assault to his senses. Pleasure painfully sparking under his skin, eyes hazing over as they rolled up to the back of his head.

"Ahnnnn~" Goro let out a long full-bodied moan deep and absolutely debauched, his toes curling as his legs locked around Akira's shoulders.

"Wouldn't be able to hear you moan like that either… I love hearing you moan." Akira coed stroking at Goro's cock with sharp precise purposeful strokes.

"I'll kill you" Goro panted, glaring at Akira. gritting his teeth as he choked back moans and gripped to his composure like a life raft.

"promise?" Akira asked softly, eyes shining with open unobstructed admiration.

"y-yea" Goro stammered his threat and composure slipping into something less familiar but surprisingly pleasant in its tranquility.

"Good," Akira smiled as he lowered himself back onto Goro's cock.

Goro moved to push back Akira's bangs, freeing Akira's face allowing him to look at the beauty of Akira's features, letting himself fall into the heat of his own arousal. He drowned in it, his mind and body becoming a wet soppy mess, completely at Akira's mercy.

As Goro came he thought about how weak he was to Akira, how Akira could easily and thoroughly destroy him. But Akira was, he would never hurt him.  
Would he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based the plot of the Featherman R show around the titles in P3.  
> ( https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/Phoenix_Ranger_Featherman_R )  
> Goro's Robin Hood costume has a lot of design motifs that are seen in Red Hawks Design.  
> Goro also shares strange connections and parallels with Jun Kurosu from P2.  
> (who is canonically gay for the main character and a romance-able option.... soooo thats cool!)


	3. B&B or B&E?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres a random plug for my dissection of Goro and Akira's theme songs.  
> Goro's: [ https://zangothedino-blog-blog.tumblr.com/post/616233019656880128/dissecting-these-lyrics ]  
> Akira's: [ https://zangothedino-blog-blog.tumblr.com/post/619958598396706816/dissection-of-akiras-theme-beneath-the-mask ]

"You know… I was making coffee the other day and Sojiro was watching tv like he always does and … there was this medical show or something on and they were talking about this thing called postnatal depression.." Akira ran small mindless circles against Goro's stomach head perched against his breast. 

"mmmm I see where you're going but no, The depression usually only lasts a few months not years…" Goro slowly opened an eye to meet Akira's, a small lazy contented smile breaching his face. Akira was so sweet, too sweet, trying so desperately to patch up all the leaking holes of sadness and misery that riddled his life. 

"Well yeah but they were saying that sometimes it can lead to developing more serious depression later down the line" Akira insisted, splaying his hand out against the ticklish skin he had been tracing before. 

"oh, I see, your point is?" Goro questioned patting Akira on his head. There really was no purpose in trying to comfort him about this, or anything really he was bound to be dead in a few hours anyway. 

"it's not your fault your mom… she was probably not well and people like Shido just made it worse…It isn't your fault she didn't have any way of getting help." Akira's fingers tensed, his expression pulling into a worried brow. Akira wondered why Goro was so insistent on blaming himself for things he would have been too young to even understand. 

"I know that… It's why I had to seek revenge against Shido…" Goro scratched Akira's' scalp idly. 

"Mmm," Akira affirmed, deciding to press any further would just serve to ruin the moment they had going. Getting Goro to open up and bear himself to Akira was a struggle that while difficult was highly rewarding. He had figured out the best trick to get Goro to let his guard down was to open up himself, show him it was okay to be vulnerable. Leading by exmple was his forte after all.  
"Sumire was right about the phantom thieves, about people needing to change themselves, I just was hoping to inspire people to do better, by changing hearts I thought I could force people to look at everything that was wrong with the world." Akira slid his hand to wrap around Goro's side in a tightening embrace, nose nuzzling into Goro's chest. 

"not everyone cares about justice the way we do." Goro supplied, letting his arms come to rest against Akira's' back. 

"Maybe that's why Black Condor disappeared like that, couldn't live with deluding himself further." Akira laughed bitterly. 

"possibly, But Red Hawk was there to take his place to continue his legacy… uphold the desire for true justice-" Goro tightened his grip around Akira, He couldn't allow Akira to fall into despair such things didn't suit him. 

"to play hero…do you hate Sumire, I bet you were jealous of her." Akira wiggled further into Goro's hug, it felt surprisingly safe and pleasant. 

"oh really? what gave you that impression?" Goro ruffled his voice once again sly and puffed up in a regal tone. 

"ah right, what was it you said to me?" Akira mocked in fake consideration.

"oh please-" Goro scoffed, there was no way he had said anything that could condemn him. 

" uhh ' Is that what you like now? preying on young schoolgirls?' " Akira jutted his hip to the side pressing further into Goro using the motion to slide up to his face noses touching. Akira's grin pulling into an impish Cheshire grin. 

"Akira" he was surprised in himself because he had said that, He meant it as a jab to Akira but he realized now it had just shown how insecure he was about not having Akira's undivided attention. 

" ' is that what I have to do to get your attention? Do you want me to bat my eyelashes and blush like a virgin while humping my pillow at night dreaming about how Senpai's lips would feel against mine~' " Akira mocked giving his best impression of the other, swooping his voice in the most princely way possible? 

"That isn't even remotely close to anything I've ever said in my entire life" Goro deadpanned, pushing at Akira's face. 

"damn and here I thought I had my impression down cold" Akira flopped back down on top of Goro with a heavy puff of air, rolling off to splay out next to him. 

They sat in a small pile of amused chuckles and giggles basking in each other's company. 

"Though funnily enough, the pillow humping isn't too far off" Goro mused, chuckling lightly hand patting around to reach for Akira's. 

"wait, what?" Akira turned his head moving over to grasp at his hand giving it a light squeeze. 

"I used to hump my pillow to masturbate, for a while I had a lot of issues with touching myself… Part of being in a lot of religious and abusive orphanages. rather pathetic honestly" Goro explained stretching out his back with a small crack. 

"God that's really fucking hot…The image of it I mean" Akira chewed his lip imagining a shy apprehensive Goro thrusting desperately into his mattress chasing for something, anything, to make him feel good. 

"you really are a pervert, Akira. truly impressive." Goro closed his eyes, shaking his head. "And no I wasn't particularly jealous of how close you two are mostly just jealous of how thoroughly well off she is." Goro looked up at the ceiling picking his words carefully. looking back down Akira he gave him a sly self-assured smirk. "at that point, I was rather sure I had you wrapped around my finger Akira kurusu absolutely enamored with me"

"really?" Akira inquired, brow raised. 

"No, god, it was physically painful and I had no idea why. I wanted to scream" Goro blurted, covering his face with his hand. cheeks going warm with embarrassment. 

"haha, So honest Akechi" Akira moved to push at Goro's side playfully 

"what can I say you thoroughly tore down my walls, no use in lying." Goro raised his hands in defense. 

"So you mentioned being raised in a religious setting, I didn't know that" Akira shoved rocking Goro back and forth gently. 

"Ah, do you find it interesting?" Goro cooed resting his hands behind his head allowing himself to sway with the motion. 

"I find everything about you interesting" Akira smiled warmly running his hands back and forth over Goro's tummy with each push. 

"ah, so honest Kurusu" Goro parroted

"heh, seriously though humor me" Akira prodded further. there was so much he didn't know about Goro and every time he found out how little he knew the more he wanted to know more. sending him deeper and deeper into an all-consuming need. 

"I don't actually like talking about it all that much or rather there isn't much to say, they did a piss poor job, as far as striking the fear of God or the fiery pits of hell into my heart." Goro sighed shifting his weight in discomfort. His earlier memories really were upsetting to him, horribly powerless in their mundanity. They felt like they were experienced by another being altogether. 

"doesn't help that we know objectively that god is actually a bunch of gods and they all have fucking swords and shit and most of them at least from what I've seen generally suck," Akira remarked huffing out small bouts of laughter. Honestly, the whole thing was rather silly. 

"I suppose, I never believed it all before but then I guess I had to when Loki awoke inside of me," Goro thought back to that day, robin hood had always been a relatively present force in his life even before he had access to the cognitive world and personas and the silly costumes. Robin Hood was an ideal he held so close to his heart as a child, even today. But it was older now, more true to reality. Akira had given him that, the chance to reconcile the conflicting parts of himself that had long torn at his soul. When Loki awoke in him it was a vicious violent affair clawing at his insides bloodlust and unbridled rage. Loki was still present somehow not his voice or his anger, but his power, his desire to seek out whatever pleased him at that moment. Loki the sail, Robin Hood the rudder… Hereward the … boat? Goro was very bad with metaphors. 

"Me neither, I mean I didn't care either way, never needed to think about it but, I guess now it's sorta funny to think that like angels and demons and stuff are all basically the same thing…" Akira lamented jerking Goro from his own thoughts. 

"Probably, I haven't noticed the difference, I thought I had some understanding but with you, I'm not so sure anymore" Goro eased into Akira's presence looking down at him with woeful admiration. 

"mmm, I see what you mean…" Akira stared back at him thinking how many faces Goro had, how many he'd never seen before, how many he'd never get to see. 

"It was very lonely, and I worked very hard to try and make people like me there before I decided to leave" Goro continued, his chest constricting as he saw the small sorrowful glint in Akira's eyes. 

"Did it work? Did people like you?" Akira questioned, thinking about how a younger Goro must have been before he had time to put up all these towering walls. 

"No, I was a bastard child, left to rot by someone they saw as a sinner, all rather correct assessments I guess they didn't want me anymore then shido or anyone else did. Never quite right no matter how hard I tried. I didn't blame them for it." Goro reminisced feeling rather detached from his past suffering, like a faded scar that you had to look very closely for, a fuzzy small thing that you could barely even see. 

"I would, I'd blame them." Akira's face hardened as he thought of it. 

"why?"Goro chuckled ruefully, once again Akira was trying to make him feel better about wounds already inflicted. 

"You weren't responsible for your parents, Just an innocent kid, alone?" Akira coaxed, eyes pleading with Goro. 

"obviously" Goro huffed. 

"scared?" Akira brushed his hand against Goros cheek. 

"....yes" Goro breathed, eyes fluttering, the faded scars of his past aching under the tender touch and caring gaze. 

"They were wrong and If I could have stolen their hearts so they could see that I would." Akira boasted, rebellion filling his blood with fire. 

"Hahaha what an absolutely delightful comfort right? Years of drilling into my head I'm some kind of abomination born from sin and you just haha and I just realized my god I'm hahaha it's like I'm literally in bed, wi- with the Devil? right isn't that what you are? The devil?" Goro cackled, Akira was truly foolish. He said things with such certainty and conviction, promised Goro all the things he had never had but always needed. manipulating him with backhanded attempts to garner his complacency with rotten excuses and hypothetical dreams, taunting him with histories he could never hope to have. 

"Goro…" Akira croaked. having the gall to sound hurt of all things. But it was true Goro wasn't being fair, he trusted Akira, trusted he wouldn't give in to false happiness. 

"I'm sorry I mean here you have me layed out thoroughly debauched, Fucked out of my mind making me spill my innermost secrets tempting me with… god whatever  
This is and your personas true form is quite literally Satanael. The Irony is so beautiful. Truly I'm weak to you…" Goro allowed himself to soften once again leaning in to kiss Akira's forehead letting his lips ghost the skin there before leaning back to rest his eyes. 

A few blissful moments passed before Akira broke the silence. "I had an idea" 

"mmm?" 

"let's go to that church" Akira perked up slightly looking over to Goro. 

"what why?" Goro cracked one of his eyes, Akira giving an appraising glance. 

"I want to... go commit sacrilege," Akira announced, sitting up to full attention. 

"you're kidding" Goro balked face contorting into bemused disbelief. 

"I'm the devil, right? c'mon it'll be fun, It's not like i'd be able to do it in the real world." Akira cajoled tugging at Goro's wrist. 

"Its closed Akira" Goro deadpanned rolling his eyes as he leaned up into a sitting position.

"Lockpicks"

"...." Goro observed Akira closely looking for any sign that he was messing with him. After thoroughly searching, then genuinely considering the prospect of causing mayhem he acquiesced. "fuck it, fine" 

"YESSS! let's go c'mon" Akira cheered, leaping from the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many orphanages in japan are Religious institutions so I sorta just head-canoned Goro having been raised in a religious setting.


	4. Intent and Honey

The streets were empty, Akira not even bothering to lock up Le Blanc as they made their way towards the train station. The sounds of crickets and the soft swell of wind set against the ambient backdrop of the city night was comforting despite the looming pain of the morning just barely at the horizon.

"We can hold hands," Akira said, fingers fluttering against Goro's.

"Obviously, no ones even around. It's nearly 3 am" Goro huffed slapping away at Akira's hands anyway. Public displays of affection on principal alone was a disconcerting subject for Goro, hand holding especially felt particularly juvenile and silly to him. It was what children did with their mothers and public affection in general always seemed like an affront to the concept of self control and overall mindfulness. 

"Yea I know…But I mean it wouldn't matter if people saw us" Akira insisted, forcibly intertwining their fingers squeezing their hands together holding the clasped digits to his lips kissing them with an exaggerated flourish.

"ah…Yes, I suppose so." Goro stared at Akira dumbly, somehow breathless despite the lack of activity or interest in the action. Maybe it was the dream-like state of late-night or rather early morning that made him think that maybe he didn't mind so much if he looked silly or lost control. 

"So I'm going to hug you on the train" Akira announced proudly, it wasn't a request it was a proclamation. 

"Okay, yes, and?" Goro sneered, squeezing harder into Akira's hand. He was sure now that Akira was just fucking with him at this point, pressing his buttons on purpose just to put him on edge. 

"I want people to see too" Akira nodded, speaking off as if talking about the preference of a cafe order. 

"ah, wanted to try out some good old voyeurism? work in some shitty train molestation?" Goro Snarked, making suggestive motions with his free hand. running his gloved digits over his chest in a joke of false debauchery. 

"I hadn't considered it but maybe… depends if there are any people, but I doubt there would be enough to make it worthwhile." Akira contemplated, chin resting on the crux of his thumb and pointer, his tone entirely unreadable, completely convincing as a possibly genuine consideration. 

"I… It worries me that I can't tell whether you're joking or not?" Goro stared uneasily in his inability to read Akira properly. 

Akira gave a soft unassuming smile that neither confirmed nor denied. 

"Hmmm okay … gonna vito that one I think, if you aren't joking" Goro asserted brushing his proverbial hands of the whole concept. 

Akira's smile turned to a somewhat disappointing slant. 

" I hate you," Goro quipped, stern and resolute. Akira was playing with him again. 

Akira gave an exaggerated mock frown eyes turning big and puppyish. 

"oh fuck off" Goro swatted at Akira attempting to pull away from his grasp, thoroughly fed up with his bullshit.

Akira's smile returned genuine and playful holding Goro in an endearing gaze, mentally marking this exchange as a win on his part. The tally was starting to finally mark up in his favor. 

They walked down the steps of the station standing close to one another as the train hissed to a stop in front of the doors opening with a heady clack. 

The inside of the train was lit with its usual harsh fluorescents, the stragglers of late-night workers and probable hoodlums spread far apart from each other pushing into individual corners of the car. Akira took his usual seat pulling Goro to sit nearly on top of his lap warm and close and comforting in the strange rare form of affection they could never dare to do in the real world. Despite this Goro couldn't help but reflexively eye the other people with wary suspicion.  
"They're not real remember?" Akira whispered into the shell of Goro's ear, giving him a warm comforting smile. It was similar to the pleasant smile he had spent years practicing. Akira, infuriating as he was, wore it perfectly. 

"Morgana would be so upset to know you're not sleeping before the big fight" Goro grumbled averting his gaze from the passengers and Akira's stupid blissful features, instead choosing to stare at his reflection in the cars window. Akira looked so tired, so vulnerable. 

"He can die mad about it. I need this." Akira whispered, head resting on Goro's shoulder, eyes closing, taking in the beauty of the small innocuous show of affection, basking in it. 

"I know, me too honestly. Despite how much it hurts," Goro admitted in an odd show of genuine unabashed compassion. He gave a small domestic patt to the top of their hands the leather of the glove making a muddled wapping noise with every tap. 

"Yea… why do you always wear gloves by the way? are they symbolic of how you distance yourself from the world?" Akira had always wondered about the gloves, Goro wore them both in and out of the cognitive world, and even now as he traced the seams of his hands the leather kept him at a distance. 

"would you believe me if I told you they were a fetish of mine?" Goro smiled softly, rubbing his thumb in a small circular motion on the back of Akira's knuckle. 

" Hmmmn, Tempting but, no," Akira's smirked, long and lazy. 

"Well, it's for a few reasons actually.  
one, I have a condition that makes the blood vessels constrict in my fingertips and other extremities when it's particularly cold or I'm feeling stressed which is, ah often" Goro explained listing off the reasons on his free hand. 

"that's why you wear them when it's hot too?" Akira realized, nodding his head in the newfound understanding. 

"Mnn, that and I hate touching strangers" Goro smiled, his friendly plastic voice accentuating the irony of his words. 

"ah yes the prince far too above the commonwealth" Akira grinned mocking Goro in an overly princely and posh expression. 

"mmm yes, how could I ever let such lecherous filth taint me, I'm saving my skin for the touch of my lover you see" Goro snarked, turning his head down to flutter his eyelashes in an equally mocking and playful manner.  
Akira blushed at how cute he found the display. 

"I also like to paint my nails sometimes but I couldn't let the public think I'm odd" Goro continued, dropping the silly tone and exaggerated displays of foolishness. 

"I can imagine the scandal now 'Prince Detective Paints Nails! Wow-What else is he hiding, read more on page 14.' the tabloids would have a field day." Akira laughed giving his best scandalous expressions acting out his surprise. He moved his hand in a page-turning motion before continuing " Akechi paints his nails in a show of un-prince-like behavior? How are we, the public, to reconcile such actions with a shining paragon of Justice? Is Goro akechi truly just like the rest of the disappointing youth of today? Doomed to a life of disgusting acts of self-expression? We at Shitty tabloid-" 

"Akira…" Goro interrupted 

"Yes?" Akira blinked. 

"Shut the fuck up." 

"Right." Akira nodded sucking his lips into his mouth, Biting his tongue and swallowing his words. He had a tendency to get talkative around Goro. 

"You'd be surprised how far they'll take small things like that and destroy you with it" Goro stated, his voice too wise and familiar with the dark painful truths that plagued him.

" I know…" Akira paused for a moment shifting in his seat, subtly feeling out the contents of his pockets. He knew he didn't have much time with Goro and he knew that what little time he had left it was essential to make the most of it. "So what's your favorite color," Akira deflected, hopefully this would force Goro past his moody demeanor. 

"what to paint my nails with?"Goro asked plainly. 

"and in general" Akira shrugged attempting to smudge a smirk that was threatening to peak on his face, the twitch nearly painful. A plan had begun to formulate in his mind, if he could execute on it, it would mean another point for him. 

"for my nails, probably black" Goro seemed completely oblivious to any potential angle Akira was playing at, Perfect. 

"and in general?" Akira asked, despite having deduced the answer himself quite a long while ago. The question was playing at much bigger plans. 

"white," Goro responded, confirming Akira's hypothesis in no uncertain terms. He was sure white was his favorite color by the way he looked at him whenever Akira wore it. 

"your favorite color can't be white" Akira prodded, giving Goro an unamused look, one that if put under further scrutiny showed a glint of devious but playful trickery behind its allure. 

"what the fuck do you mean it can't be white?" Goro spat face turning red, flustered hackles rising with his disbelief. Surprised by the sheer ridiculousness of Akira's statement. 

"white isn't a favorite color" Akira stated matter of factly in a calm nearly academic fashion. 

"fine, then what's your favorite color" Goro challenged, straightening his posture and collecting himself within his pride. 

"red" Akira shrugged looking off casually. His voice nearly betraying the sense of elation and anticipation that vibrated throughout his body. He sank his line and set his trap all he needed now was for Goro to bite. 

"what fucking shade asshole?" Goro snapped, a smirk crossing his face. He seemed to be reveling in a sense of victory, catching Akira at his own game. 

Akira's heart soared, his grin no longer capable of being contained within the confines of his ever-present mask. Goro had sunk his teeth into his bait like an absolute champion and Akira was more than thrilled to reel the whole thing in.  
"the shade of your eyes when the sun hits them just right" Akira lilted, his heavenly and gracious tone oozing with intent and honey. 

There was a tangible pause. Akira's shit-eating grin squeezing further into his cheekbones, eyes crumpling with mirth.  
Goro's face held silent and placid, eyes darkening as the realization hit him.  
"...." 

"you fucking planed that" Goro whispered, his voice betraying him, fuming under his words with embarrassment. 

"I did, it was amazing." Akira beamed, His pride swelling to its Apex. 

"I hate you" Goro stated as if this was the first time he had come to realize or voice such a sentiment, or that he himself could not comprehend the emotion.

"My favorite color is black" Akira smiled further pushing back his urge to burst out in a fit of maniacal laughter. 

"You suck" Goro detached himself from Akira's side, moving to stand.

"I love you" Akira grinned, watching and moving as Akechi stood averting his gaze.  
Goro's face was beet red… maybe it really was his favorite color. 

"Fuck you, this is our stop" 

Both of them walked out into the night air, the sky just starting to turn a muddled pale blue. Still gripping onto the softer deeper tones of purple and black, stars faint and milky. 

Akira made quick work of the church doors lock the hinges creaking as they pushed them open, quietly slipping inside. 

The church was cold and empty dust holding the lumination of the payned light in a calm reverie. The sound of their breath still and hallow in the Dewey early morning, free of any thought of any moment other than the one where their hands were clasped, staring at the rainbow of colors cast onto each other's faces. 

"Did you confess," Akira's breath came out thick and frosted, visible, whispering into furling smoke like tendrils.  
Akira gestured to the confessional. 

"a bit, not everything but, somethings" Goro swallowed averting his eyes from Akira's.The urge to claw his lungs from his chest was visceral. 

"mmm, What'd you say?" Akira prompted, giving a tighter squeeze to Goro's hand. 

"I said that I hated you, hated most people," Goro admitted, taking a long sharp breath of icy air into his lungs.

As he had sat in the confessional the memory and feeling had been all too familiar. He knew he could lie easily but for some reason the thought of Akira sitting in those pews waiting for him, It pierced his heart with anguish and pain he refused to admit to, even now. he knew that he would kill him he wanted to beg for forgiveness at that moment but he knew that if he gave way to that desire he'd never be able to commit to the deed. So instead he told the priest of his hatred in vague and uncertain terms. He wonders now what he'd think if he had known he loved the boy who brought him there, if he would have been so quick to forgive him. 

"mm, anything else?" Akira nudged him, Goro having fallen into his own thoughts. 

"like what?" Goro ran his fingertips against the edges of the altar. It sat perfectly still in the very center of a small platform, it was long and wide built of old brick and stone and covered in a red and gold tapestry. It was empty but the clear intent of what must have held a heavy Bible created a harsh line of contrast to the faded fabric that surrounds it. 

"I don't know…" Goro pushed himself up onto the edge of the stone scooting and disturbing the untouched cloth that covered it. 

"any salacious thoughts? fantasies of ravishing unassuming young men like myself?" Akira ran his hands up Goro's thighs, hands catching at his slacks causing them to bunch up and pinch at his legs. 

"I wouldn't call you unassuming," Goro smirked, drawing his hands to grip into Akira's hair, tugging on it gently. The leather made the motion smooth and fluid. Goro felt a small ache of desire to feel the thick tendrils under his bare hands but he abstained, if only to keep Akira still. 

"you wound me, I work so hard to look as bland as possible." Akira nudged at Goro's jaw, his nose having turned cold in the frigid winter air. Shivers ran down Goro's spine. He gasped, a small sound catching at his lips.

"a wolf in sheep's clothing? you and I both. I guess I find some comfort in knowing we both fail when it comes to our respective disguises, at least when we're around one another." Goro laughed , his eyes meeting Akira's.  
Akira's eyes were beautiful, their simple grey depths were so much more than they seemed, collected placid pools of endless… something. Goro could never understand anything Akira ever said, not truly, but his eyes had always been honest with him, too honest. Maybe if he had really looked into his eyes when he had pulled the trigger he would have noticed the trick.

"what was it again? " Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. right?" Akira once again pulled Goro from his repose, his hands coming to press against Goro's in a reflection of a prayer. 

Goro blinked, shaking his head, mind slowly putting the words to thoughts.  
"Is… did you just quote Shakespeare at me?" Goro narrowed his eyes at Akira. 

"that I did… should I compare you to a summer day?" Akira pressed his lips to Goro's cheek, his hand moving to card through Goro's nape. 

"Fuck no, dont you fucking dare. I will absolutely leave." Goro pushed at Akira's chest clenching into his shirt unsure if he wanted him closer or further. 

"Good cuz I didn't memorize the poem" Akira moved closer, his lips ghosting over Goro's. 

The press of lips was tacky and warm, catching against one another, the pull and press of which sent waves of pleasure through their bodies. It was a deep slow languid dance, their tongues lapping against each other in small phantom strokes, their cold noses warming with shared gasping breaths, their hands grasping desperately at anything in their reach. Goro's hand ran down Akira's side feeling at the toned wiry muscle of his frame, fingertips threading at the seam of Akira's back pocket before slipping into a grasp at the firm flesh of his ass. Akira wasn't nearly as developed as Goro was but what he lacked in plushness he more than made up for in shape and form. And as Akira's arms wrapped around Goro's neck delicately taking time to explore each other's mouths, Goro dug his fingers into the flesh spreading and squeezing Akira's pockets giving him excellent leverage but as he shifted to take his hands to get a firmer handle his fingers rolled over some strange small objects. Goro fiddled with the loose objects breaking away from the kiss. 

"what the fuck is this?" Goro gasped, his lips connected only by a small string of saliva. 

"Ah, you got me,"

suddenly Akira's warmth was gone his knee hitting the cobblestone with a soft audible thud  
"... Goro?"  
Akira reached into his back pocket deftly revealing the mysterious objects, two sturdy golden bands which glinted elegantly under the technicolored light of the church's window pains. 

"no, no what the fuck are you doing dont, no get the fuck back on your feet right now or I swear to fucking" Goro scrambled hands desperately charging at the rings his gloved hands unable to pull them from Akira's hand. 

"will you?" Akira's voice rang strong and noble through the hallowed hall. 

"If I had a gun right now I would blow your fucking brains out all over this fucking church" Goro squeaked his voice panicked shrill and his body restless hands clenching painfully at Akira's wrists. 

"marry me?" Akira's voice rang bells or more like a gunshot at the dead of night leaving a deathly oppressive silence in its wake.  
Goro could remove his eyes from Akira's grey slate deep swimming in something… passion feverish, painful, aching, desperation.

"no, fuck you. happy? can we go back to just fucking like wild animals again?" Goro tore his eyes away from Akira's looking anywhere at anything but him. 

"Please?" Akira stood moving closer to Goro, his clasped hands pressing against Goro's chest, his fingers clenching desperately at the rings, his voice shaking and cracking at the weight of his need. 

"Are you actually serious right now, is this actually happening, are you really on one knee asking me to marry you in a church?... wait no you didn't?" Goro shook his head, tears threatening to push past his eyes emotions of longing and deep unrelenting loneliness pulling at every inch of him seeping into his bones, his mind, his heart. 

Akira's lips wobble into a shy grin, one that seems to try at being playful only to come off as genuinely wanting. his throat bobing as tears slowly forced their way down his cheeks. 

"I can't believe it, you, you, fucking planned this? you and earlier Jesus… Akira" in all the time he's known Akira, of all the faces and masks he's worn for him, never in any of them has Akira cried. 

"But I got you here didn't I? so please?" Akira's voice betrays him wet and uncertain. 

"you're serious… you're" Goro looks down at the rings pressed tightly between their sternums, he half expects Akira's hands to fall through his chest so they can fully rest against his beating heart. 

"Yea, I just… I really like you and you understand and see me in a way no one else ever has and I fear ever will and after we defeat maruki, this is all ill have left of you…" Akira swallowed again hands moving down to place ring to Goro's palm 

"oh…" Goro gaped his hand moving reflexively taking the ring that was placed there. 

"So I thought maybe this way we could validate it in a way that makes it more than some fleeting dream, I really, really never want to forget you Goro," Akira whispered, smile softening as Goro inspected the ring with a child-like wonder. 

"...okay" Goro looked dazedly at the ring completely enamored with its glinting smooth surface, the rings where new gold, real gold, a real wedding ring, these weren't some lost thing found in the depths of mementos, they were bought, engraved. 'Memento Mori', it was perfect in ways Goro could never allow himself to express honestly. 

"Fine," Goro said, exasperated using his teeth to pull the glove from his left hand. 

"Really?"Akira smiled, bumping his head against Goro's. 

" Yes, yes. So what are we gonna do?" Goro sighed already showing signs of growing impatience. 

"here just c'mere" Akira adjusted them to their knees, together they knelt before the altar facing each other as a beam of light from the morning sun cast them in glowing crystalized rainbows. 

"so what? blah blah blah till death do us part?" Goro huffed rolling his wrists in an exasperated rushed circle. 

"No hmm, I have vows" Akira hummed, griping at Goro's gloved hand slipping him free of its confines before grasping his cold lithe fingers against Goro's warm palm. 

"That's hardly fair…" Goro gasped the cold fingers sending shivers across his skin. 

"you're smart I know you'll have something to give me… I just wanna say this… ehem" Akira smirked before resting his face into one of disciplined concentration. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath, exhaling as he began to speak voice deep velvety and practiced.  
" Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove.  
it is an ever-fixed mark  
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height is taken.  
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle’s compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom.  
If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ or uhh said, nor no man ever loved." Akira swallowed eyes fluttering open to look into Goro's, his breathing heavier than before adrenaline-pumping hot through his veins. 

"you really are just the worst, of course, you memorized an entire fucking poem you sappy fuck…." Goro paused mulling over all the possible things he could bring before one came to mind.  
"My love is as a fever, longing still  
For that which longer nurseth the disease,  
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,  
" Goro paused tapping at his temple in irritation trying to remember the words. "The uncertain sickly appetite to please. Uhhh fuck" Goro growled fisting his hand into his pocket shifting and fishing his phone out tapping quickly as he searched. Akiras eyes amused but soft not an ounce of judgement on his face. Goro cleared his throat before continuing reading off the screen the light of which illuminated his eyes and cheeks in soft blueish white glow. Akira couldn't help but think It made him look so young and pretty. "My reason, the physician to my love,  
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,  
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve  
Desire is death, which physic did except.  
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,  
And frantic mad with evermore unrest,  
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are, At random from the truth vainly expressed;  
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night." There, happy?" Goro finished shoving his phone back into it's pocket. 

"what does it mean?" Akira asked hesitantly. 

"means you make me sick and you're the worst and I regret loving you" Goro snarked throwing back his hair with a haughty swish. 

Akira's brows knit together, his mouth falling into a straight unamused line. 

"What? its the only Shakespeare I know." Goro feigned defensively, it was true.  
"I don't like poetry, least of all Shakespeare," Goro explained, shifting to readjust his legs. 

"really? thought you'd love him…" Akira blinked. 

"what would make you think that?" Goro scrunched up his face with dissatisfaction present in every wrinkle. 

" You have a flair for the dramatic, and stuff like Hamlet or McBeth seems right up your alley" Akira pointed out moving to tug gently at Goro's ear. 

" fair enough I suppose… I did do theater for a bit of time" Goro mumbled holding Akira's hand in place eyes closing at the sensation of cool hands against feverish cheek. 

"you'd make a wonderful hamlet… id do anything to see you perform that" Akira whispered head coming to rest against Goro's forehead. 

"hmm, I dont know to be or not to be… but hmm"  
Goro shifted again hesitant as he began, voice barely above a prayer. 

"'doubt … doubt the stars be fire.  
doubt that the sun doth shine? …" 

As Goro spoke, Akira slipped the ring onto Goro's finger. It shone so beautifully and fit so perfectly Goro felt that maybe he was already dead and this was a heaven he couldn't possibly deserve. carefully with a shaking hand Goro slipped Akira's ring onto his finger. It fit perfectly the matching pair far holier than any god could hope to replicate.

"doubt truth to be a liar.  
But never doubt I love.' "

Goro finished their eyes locking, the infinite span of the universe soaking and retracting into a single shining moment. 

"never…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poems used are Shakespears sonnets 116, For Akira's vows.  
> ( https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/sonnets/sonnet_116/ )  
> and 147 for Goro's (https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/sonnets/sonnet_147/)  
> Both sonnets were originally addressed to men, 116 being a very popular choice in Gay wedding proceedings.  
> Akira references A midsummers night dream Act 1 Scene one and sonnet 18, another very popular wedding verse.  
> Goro's Second Vows comes from Hamlet Act 2 Scene 2. ( https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/hamlet/page_94/ )  
> Goro is a classic Hamlet type, totally got them cinematic parallels. 
> 
> Also the medical condition I gave Goro is called Raynauds syndrome, where either due to stress or cold temperatures the arteries in the hands and feet constrict, limiting blood flow.


	5. Epilouge Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would take place a little bit after the events of scramble..

Akira was fine, awesome even. He had taken his time to mourn his husband's death and it was time to move forward in life. He had Goro’s glove, he had the Proof of Justice and he even bought two brand new wedding bands that he could always wear on his finger. The old ones, unfortunately, ceased to exist, and with mementos gone, buying a new pair had taken him an exorbitant amount of time and energy to earn the money for, but it had been worth it. 

No Akira was absolutely not depressed, even if sometimes he'd stare off at a wall for periods far too long to be healthy or took showers until his skin was waterlogged and his pruning became nearly painful. He had to move out of his parents and back to Tokyo, he had been selfish enough disappearing on his friends to take a year away from everything already and even if sometimes when his friends would talk or joke about Goro like they were glad he was gone that didn't mean he should abandon them the way they would probably abandon him if he ever told them how much he felt like slamming their heads into walls whenever they said something bad about Goro. Okay so yes, clearly that's irreparably fucked in ways entirely indescribable without the use of some psychoanalytical terms being attributed to akiras current mental state but that too was fine because Akira wasn't back at his parents home staring at that fixed point on the wall, he was back in Tokyo looking for a job and a place to stay like a reasonable and well-adjusted adult who didn't talk to himself or his dead husband. 

So here he was in Shinjuku opening the doors to Crossroads once again looking for work.  
Crossroads was a shithole, a loveable shithole filled with the good kind people of japan, his ilk. those who could accommodate him and his strange eccentricities the ways his friends probably couldn't. Maybe it was a little messed up that he was absolutely banking on Lala's inability to deny a poor queer child in need of a safe place to be even though he had many other options. But the idea of returning to the attic of Leblanc always had him envisioning himself hanging from the rafters, which was odd and another thing that one might confuse for a serious issue and not just a silly invasive thought that permeated his mind every time he smelt the aroma of coffee or curry.  
But Crossroads was perfect, it didn't smell like either of those things and he had never seen Goro anywhere near Shinjuku, No painfully harrowing memories to haunt him. 

Which is why when he saw Goro, looking nothing like a ghost and far more like a normal breathing individual, sitting at the end of the bar having the audacity to look bored of all things, he was completely incapable of properly registering it. It had finally happened, he finally broke. It was an odd sensation for sure, he felt basically nothing, just the small inkling of resignation and acceptance. Goro, on the other hand, looked like he was about to piss himself. 

"yo," Akira said, raising a hand in greeting. 

Goros face twisted into too many expressions at once to read as any single emotion before it settled into a cold placid calm. 

"Ah, hello Kurusu, I wouldn't have taken you to be the sort" Goro gestured limply to the area around him. 

"What?" Akira was genuinely confused, of all the possible things Goro could have said or asked about, somehow the bar was important? 

"I'm glad to see you're taking steps to move on? or at least find an easy distraction" Goros voice was fake and shiny, plastic tv star quality hiding an insidious bitter interior. 

As Akira finally understood what Goro was trying to say, he understood that it was quite literally the worst thing anyone could have ever responded with, within this moment. It was so incomprehensibly terrible and so truly awful it wrapped around to being nearly comical and definitively beautiful on some cosmic level in its absurdity. But not nearly as beautiful as the sound or the sensation of Akira’s fist making contact with Goro’s face, even if the punch was all teeth and gum it was wonderful. As were all the other subsequent punches because for each fist to his stomach, face, rib and every pull of Goros hair or jab to the side he had just another ounce of confirmation that Goro was here and he was real and looking at him with a vicious murderous rage painted across his face and hurting him like he always did and as Akira realized that there was no way he was ever going to be happy without Goro in his life, as the pool of tears began to break free from the precipes of absolute anguish and the taste of blood filled his mouth he felt like he was soaring. all up until the point that there was a loud crash as a door was swung violently open smashing into the wall, shaking and rattling all the fixtures and bobs and ends in the bar. 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" suddenly something wide and metal was slamming into the both of them, pushing them off their balance and into a tangled dance with the tables and chairs that littered crossroads. It was only after both Akira and Goro made contact with the floor that they realized what had hit them seemed to be a folding chair.  
Why was there a folding chair? Who? 

They only had a fraction of a second of thought before they both were being yanked up by a strong man wearing what Akira noted as being the cutest sweater he had ever seen. It was a lovely warm green and the stitching of the knit had subtle patterns of rabbits and kittens woven into it.The man himself on the other hand was terrifying. He was tall, broad chested neatly parted black hair and a stern expression filled with a controlled honed rage from what Akira could only assume was years of battle, a tough jagged scar across his left brow only furthering the image. 

Goro, on the other hand, had come quite familiar with the man and while he had heard about the "eternal flame" which resided within him, he, however, had never really humored the idea, all he had seen was the soft gentle touch of an overly affectionate and loving house husband. The man's career was built on making kawaii novelty goods and he was often seen modeling frilly aprons or mug cozies for christ's sake. But Goro had to admit whatever demon had decidedly possessed his master's partner had done an excellent job of striking terror into his heart that which he had never before experienced. 

"What's happening here?" a smooth calm voice entered the fray, emanating an authority that made everyone stand to attention. a small man wearing a slim fitting suit and jacket stood proudly Lala peaking cautiously over his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry, sir" Goro bowed.  
In all the time Akira had known Goro he'd never seen him bow in any genuine manner the way he was now. He had always bowed as a matter of performance.  
The man Goro bowed to narrowed his steely blue eyes pointing sternly over to the booth. Goro sat immediately dejected and clenched up. The man, despite his small stature, had an heir of regal purpose similar to the one Goro often held. His movements were controlled and deliberate, methodical. 

"You too." The man gestured at Akira demanding him to sit. Akira stood frozen looking at Goro for confirmation Goro avoided his gaze. The man gave him an expecting look. 

Akira slid into the stall brushing up against Goro’s side, it was warm and firm and made his heart sink. He was stiff and petrified of what possible punishment this mysterious man was capable of. Maybe Goro had fallen in with dangerous yakuza, who knew what kind of enemies Shido had. However the kitten sweater that was worn by the very scary one with the scar painted a pretty different picture then what was typically associated with Yakuza and Lala seemed fairly at ease. 

"Huh," said the mysterious man.  
He slid into the opposing side of the booth the other taller scarier man standing at his side, arms crossed, face unshakeable.  
"I'm going to assume that this is the boy you were scared of running into when you mentioned that fate had a way of forcing you two together? I must admit I was skeptical. but I feel like I was foolish to underestimate your assessment Akechi" the man laughed. 

Akira noted that clearly, Goro knew these two men which furthered his potential Yakuza theory, but before he could ask...

"My name is Naoto Shirogane and this is my Husband Kanji Shirogane. Goro here is my new apprentice and he's told me quite a bit about you. Akira Kurusu, I presume?" Naoto introduced gesturing towards himself, his husband, Goro, and then finally Akira. 

"y-yes" Akira swallowed thickly the itch on his neck burning with the need to scratch. Akira was suddenly far more confused than he was before, If these men weren't Yakuza that meant Goro wasn't in danger, But then why? 

"I'm sorry" Goro announced he looked down at the table addressing no one in particular. 

Naoto gave a loud sigh.  
"As this is partly my fault for not heeding Goro’s warning I feel its best I answer your questions, Kurusu." 

"Sir" Goro protested, jerking his head up. Naoto raised a hand to calm him. His husband seemed to have relaxed somewhat as well making a motion to sit. After adjusting their positions Naoto continued to explain. 

A deep sinking feeling settled in Akira’s gut. 

"I'm the Ex prince detective that Goro had garnered the title from, I currently work as a private operative who specializes in… supernatural occurrences, as you would know it I work specifically with cognitive-based crimes."  
Akira had known that other people must have known about the secrets of that strange otherworld but meeting someone who knew what he did startled him.  
"And before you ask, Yes I too am a Persona user, my husband as well." The man, Kanji, smiled shy and bashful, hugely different from the terrifying beast from before.  
"Goro sought me out after he escaped whatever pit of hell he dragged himself out of and asked me to train him as a true prince detective" Akira looked over at Goro he seemed… ashamed.  
"How did you survive?" Akira asked Goro tenderly barely above a whisper. He was undoubtedly hurt but if there was perhaps something Akira was missing. 

"You can't die in the cognitive world, at least not really."  
Naoto interjected sternly,demanding Akira to be attentive to his words and his words only.  
"The body is a physical thing and a cognitive space can't hold it there unless other beings are there to perceive it. If one dies in the cognitive world their body is evacuated from the cognitive space and back into our world." Naoto leaned back crossing his arms over his chest "The same principle applies when you fall unconscious, Unless someone can perceive your body, you are vacated." 

Akira swallowed thickly, his eyes darting to give sidelong glances towards Akechi.  
"So, you didn't find him …?" 

Naoto blinked a subtle tic that gave away his surprise, but he was quick to hide it. Well trained, just like Goro.  
"No, that's information that Goro has decided to keep, classified, I suppose." 

Akira's jaw clenched as a sudden wash of frustration and anger made his blood run cold, Goro had been avoiding him then. He knew that the worst part is he would have expected it. He was angry that he didn't look for him again he should have but he didn't because he was stupid, stupid enough to trust Goro, again. 

Akira stood then the table tensing at the sudden shift.  
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, I'll be leaving"  
Akira bowed making his way to turn. 

"Oh my God you're a real selfish bastard aren't you?" Goro scoffed, gripping suddenly and sharply into the tail end of Akiras coat, yanking him. Kanji stood up abruptly, Naoto raised a placating hand to keep him settled, his other hand steepled inquisitively at his lips. He wanted to see where this would go. 

Akira's anger and pain flashed painfully under his skin as he turned to look at Goro, ready to break down at every single little thing Goro had done to him. scream out every single hypocrisy and ass-backward action he'd ever taken, but as he opened his mouth to start he noticed that despite his jeering snarled features Goros eyes where so wet and hallow with a pain he had come so used to seeing in his own eyes every time he looked in a mirror. 

"You're a terrible liar, Goro…" Akira whispered, moving his hand to cup at the one gripped so tightly into his coat that it had to hurt. 

Goros lips trembled, eyes quivering and straining at his desperate need to keep his composure.  
"Please…" his voice shook, wobbling ever so slightly with an unwavering fury.  
Akira looked back over to Naoto with a pleading expression. 

Naoto shook his head, eyes-rolling.  
"Goro, go back to the hotel. Kanji and I are gonna finish our work here and then head over. Take Kurusu with you, but don't cause any trouble." Kanji took a moment to stare at them with a flash of stern displeasure enforcing Naoto's statement with a wordless conviction. 

Akira and Goro nodded, fixing themselves up to exit Lala's, giving her a small apologetic bow on their way out. 

They walked the streets of Shinjuku bodies only a foot at most apart, but the distance felt like a canyon steep and impassible, but of course, Akira lept anyway. 

"I'm sorry I punched you." Akira's hand twitched with the need to hold Goros, instead he ran the hand up his neck scratching at his own nape. He knew it was a lie and he knew Goro knew it as well.

"I'm not." Goro huffed hands situated firmly in his own pockets. Goro seemed tired but he looked, better than he had ever before, well fed, less stressed, albeit a bit tired.

"I'm sorry I didn't look for you." Akira bit at his lower lip gnawing the flesh nervously. Goro was keeping his distance and it made Akira feel lost somehow, more lost than when he thought Goro was dead. 

"Don't bother… really don't try and act like this is all somehow you're fault. I should have been more careful." Goro growled pace quickening. 

Akira lengthened his steps. "More careful of what? Why were you avoiding me?" He had to make sure he didn't sound desperate but it was hard keeping his words from coming out a little too hungry. 

Goro growled again a frustrated inhuman noise breaking from his chest.  
"Can't you wait a fucking second you impatient little…." Goros face was turning a deep red. 

"Hey, listen, if it's about the stuff that happened at the church, we can forget about it, it was stupid anyway…" Akira pleaded casually, face running into Akechi's back as he suddenly froze in his tracks. 

Then in a flash of movement Akira was being slammed against a wall head spinning as it made contact with the brick. Goro had pushed him against the nearest wall, an old boutique of some kind. 

"Stupid? no the only thing stupid here is you, you, audacious piece of shit" Goro snarled, teeth bared as he rammed his forearm against Akira’s throat.  
"Always blaming shit on yourself? the world doesn't fucking revolve around you and your shitty decisions. I dont give a rats ass if you see yourself as some god damn martyr."  
Goro pressed harder, cutting off Akira’s ability to breathe with deft violent precision. Goro seemed physically stronger too the thought of which sent a twisted elation down his spine, damned his masochistic tendencies. 

"I dont need some two-bit pathetic excuse for pariah and I don't need you." Goro gave one last firm push to Akira dismounting patting off the creases and wrinkles caused by the scuffle.  
Akira coughed desperately trying to grab purchase of the wall behind him. 

"is- Is that- that" Akira wheezed his voice scratchy and rough around his now bruised trachea  
"What is it? are you-" Akira coughed pulling himself to saunter towards Goro, his back a seemingly insurmountable pillar as he turned from him.  
"-you trying to prove yourself?" Akira gave a breathy painful chuckle. If Goro wanted to play at enemies again he'd be fine with that, as long as Goro was looking at him, as long as Akira was on his mind, possessed by him, he didn't care how. 

"Yes." Goro stated his head turning back slightly to Akira  
"I am…"  
Goro sounded older somehow in that moment, more mature perhaps. 

Akira had not been expecting his jab to hit so close to its mark, shocked in a sudden bout of uncontrollable terror Akira panicked. He couldn't lose like this, he didn't want this to be it, he needed to win, he needed…Goro. 

"I need you" It was pathetic, thoroughly uncool and utterly weak. 

Goro swiveled around suddenly, his face agape with his own shock. "wh-what?" 

Suddenly Akira couldn't stop. The last couple years of trying to hold himself together coming to the front of his mind. 

"It isn't for you, I just, I need you, more than anything I think... im sorry for being selfish but please let me be with…" for the second time since Goro had met him Akira was crying, maybe he had been wrong in his assessment of Akira maybe he cried far more often then he let on. but no this was a different kind of crying not the soft supple tears of a heartfelt confession he had seen before, no this was the desperate ugly Sobs of a beaten unloved child. These were cries he couldn't help but feeling embarrassed for. 

Slowly Goro made his way to shield his friend from any possible onlookers, shushing awkwardly as Akira's face became blotchy wet with tears and snot. 

"Sorry, please, I just-miss-i-" Akira blubbered nonsensically, falling into Goros grasp, face smearing against his coat. 

Goro grimaced as a mucusy trail of whatever ungodly collection of fluids attached themselves to his clothing. He offered a companionable patt to Akiras back looking around to see a few onlookers show interest in the display. Goro gave them all apologetic smiles assuring them that the situation was being handled. 

"It's okay, lets just, let's get to the hotel." Goro pushed lightly at Akiras lower back ushering him into a stumbled half dragging walk to the hotel.  
The hotel wasn't too far a very standard middle of the line sort of place that was very economical to say the least, if not a bit cramped and lacking in any type of flair.  
Goro gave the attendant at the desk another remorseful smile mouthing off apologies and bowing slightly as he took a now sniffling Akira up to the room. 

The room was a plain affair with a single queen-sized bed,a small kitchenette, a stand for the tv and a small couch which was made into the makeshift bed Goro had spent the last two nights sleeping on.  
Goro sat Akira down on the couch scooting in next to him as Akira slowly hiccuped the breath back into his lungs. 

After a long stuttered pause Goro spoke.  
"So…"  
Akira nodded, running his palm against his eyes, whipping away at his tears.  
"Sorry…" 

"No, I'm sorry I uhh," Goro shut his mouth, unable to think of anything to say, he stared down at his hands and then at Akira’s slowly coming to realize that he was wearing two gold bands on his ring finger.  
"How did…" Goro began,gaze transfixed on Akira's hand. 

"They didn't, I had to buy new ones." Akira snuffled, flapping his hand, bottom lip quivering in the aftershocks. 

"May I?" Goro asked tentatively, hands coming to ghost over akiras. 

Akira nodded offering the hand. Goro slipped the ring from his finger holding it up to inspect it. 'memento mori'  
"I don't really like rings because they get caught on my gloves" 

Akira started head tilting up to look at Goro through his moppy bangs.  
"Some people wear them like necklaces" Akira gestured. 

Goro nodded.  
"We'll have to by a chain then" 

Akira let out a choked out sigh, his hands wringing nervously together. .  
“I thought you were gonna leave again” 

“I was going to come back…” Goro mumbled, unsure of how to respond or how to act, this was difficult for him being open, awkward and honest. 

“ you’re still not a good liar,” Akira whispered, eyes turned down to the age stained carpet. 

“No, I'm a fantastic liar, you’re just too damn perceptive.” Goro sighed scooting into the others' space, head bending to sit on Ara’s shoulder. The tension of the last few years melting off in a single inhale of scent, Akira doesn't smell like coffee and moth balls anymore, He smelled more like generic soap and fresh laundry and so perfectly like himself.  
“I...Needed to find a purpose, I thought maybe I'd write you a letter.”  
Goro chuckled wryly, shaking his head in irritation.  
“But i didn't know where you would be staying, and i guess i wouldn't have known what to write anyway.” he closed his eyes, muscles loosening as he leaned his weight into akira's body. 

“You wouldn't want me chasing you either,” Akira leaned in hand coming to rest on Goros. 

“That's also true.” Goro sighed, hair falling to hide his face. ”Might have been a fun game though”

“Maybe we could play sometime in the future?” Akira's head fell to rest on Goros eyes closing. “I want to play you face to face for now.” 

“ Okay, you win…”Goro yawned, his mind starting to drift off weakened from too much effort and too much comfort. “So persistent” 

Akira smiled, tugging his legs up onto the cushions maneuvering Goro to lean further against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might have been UnBeta'd?


	6. Epilouge Part 2

"We can't, I think, we need to, we can't keep doing this" Akira panted his mind, still drowning in the hormonal stew that came with the sexual high of intense post-orgasm. 

"really Akira, that was barely anything compared to our usual fare?" goro scoffed tugging at the knots binding akiras legs to his back. It was an absolute shame to be undoing such a lovely work of art, the intricate lattice of rope held so perfectly against akira's body bending him to his will, leaving him with the evidence of lacerations and bruises for days. It was well worth the hours of practice and execution it took to learn, even with goros talent to pick up new skills. 

It had only been a month since Naoto and his husband had started up a new firm in Shinjuku, a small run-down office with adjacent living, which in return for a less than ideal job involving pencil-pushing and labor-intensive maintenance, goro was allowed to stay for a relatively nominal fee. With him, living on goros good graces, was Akira who had taken up an insatiable roll of a horny and overly pampered house cat. 

"no im sorry, I mean my friends are uhh" akiras eyes glazed over slightly as the rope slithered onto the floor and goros hand began to rub with just enough pressure to cause a dull ache on the imprints left behind. 

"Come on I know you can do it Akira" goro cooed, pressing a bit harder into the bruises just to watch Akira squirm from the pain. 

"There's a welcome back party for me" Akira gasped a sickening swoop of arousal sweeping across his spent body. Goro was a truly cruel and unmerciful partner. 

"yes? and?" Goro rolled his eyes releasing his grasp on Akira moving to clean up the various toys and tools that had been used in the excursion. 

"I want you to come…" Akira mumbled head lolling back onto the pillow, his body trembling with exhaustion. 

"That's a horrible idea, I'm still dead as far as they're aware." goro stilled his movements. looking somewhat foolish with his serious expression contrasted with the gangling of variously oddly shaped and oddly colored sexual doohickies threatening to spill out of his arms. 

"No shit, that's why…" Akira trailed off his mind doing that oddly satisfying fuzzy thing it did after a particularly good bout of play. 

Goro gave an exasperated sigh moving to unceremoniously drop the contents of his arms into their basket kicking it off to the side. He'd clean them off later.  
grabbing a small bottle of ointment he went to treating Akiras' wounds. methodically and gently he went about spreading the cream against the various welts, bruises, bites, marks, and other bumps and booboos he happened to come across. there was something oddly calming and intimate to the practice that made his heart swell with something that left him content and peaceful.  
He imagined it was probably what being a mother was supposed to feel like. 

They sat like that for a long while goro stroking akiras skin, watching him as he dozed in and out of semi-lucid consciousness. 

"water?" goro offered as Akira came to; bleary-eyed and somewhat crusty looking. 

"mm," Akira took the glass, downing it in one solid continuous sip. 

"you were saying something about a party." goro pressed moving to settle into the bed… he looked over guiltily at the basket of toys. maybe he could get Akira to do it. frame it as some kind of roleplay, dress him up in a maid outfit, force him to clean all the toys he dirtied with his slutty ass. it could work… maybe he could get him to do other things, mop, sweep, laundry, dishes, paperwork…okay, maybe not the last one but the idea had its appeal. 

"goro?" Akira interrupted his thoughts, a hand waving in front of his eyes. 

"Sorry, I spaced out." goro shook his head, training his attention back onto Akira. 

"my friends are throwing me a welcome back to Tokyo party at le Blanc and I want to tell them you're alive" Akira ran his hand over goros cheek giving him that alluring puppy dog stare."I want you to be there" Akira was very clearly manipulating goro into saying yes and with a heavy sigh, goro conceded. 

"Fine, but I still think they'd all be happier off thinking I was dead" 

"I wouldn't" Akira huffed lower lip jutting in a childish pout. 

"lovingly selfish as always, I see." Goro chided leaning to rest his head against akiras shoulder. 

And so the day arrived the plan set in motion. While Akira had been back for a good few weeks, life had a way of holding people back. responsibilities and prior arrangements keeping them all from gathering to reunite as a unit. 

le blanc had been closed for the event tables filled with food and drink. shitty balloons tied to and taped to every possible surface. Akira was wholly thankful for the fact that he no longer was obligated to clean the shop and this entire mess wasn't his responsibility.

Ann was the designated party coordinator, Yusuke had been originally in charge of decorations but that had been quickly changed to the menial task of food display, which to his credit was indeed artfully displayed.  
Futaba, the new decoration zar, had decided on the theme of post-ironic partycore. buying a mishmash of any and all possible themes and colors clashing in a nearly vomit-inducing mash of popular kids television shows, generic general themes like dinosaurs and unicorns, all the way to gender reveals, baby showers and what he could only assume was a really distasteful bachelorette party pack, a full array of penis themed attire included.  
that of which was worn in its entirety by Futaba herself. penis necklace, bracelets, rings, a shirt that said: "Cock Confident" in big bold letters, her usual glasses replaced by neon green weed leaf shades and topping off the whole look an ornate tiara that had the phrase "Penis Queen" slapped on it.  
sojiro looked on in barely contained familial disappointment. 

Ryuji had been in charge of music, Haru food, Makoto communication, and scheduling, and Morgana was given the prestigious title of resident 'part animal' sash and all, Sumire his loyal escort. 

Akira smiled as he watched his friends, nursing his drink, as they went about gushing and preening at his presence. It felt good, but it also felt like it was hallowed, missing that one precious element that would stand quietly at his side or somewhere off in a corner looking unamused and bored but whose lips would curl up ever so slightly at something funny that Ryuji said. It hurt that none of them even realized something so crucial was missing.  
but tonight he'd let them know. Goro was going to come sometime around 9 after he finished up filing a case Naoto had just solved, some 'inane worthless waste of talent' as goro put it. 

He had about an hour and a half to ease the group into the bombshell he was about to drop and he was choking on it, hard. Completely unable to settle the group down and not nearly enough heart to undermine their fun and as 9:15 reared its ugly head all Akira had managed to do was rile the party up into a fit of ugly laughter as they crowned him the new 'penis queen', 'resident party animal', and ' king of all that is dank and meme' all simultaneously. phones flashing and snapping as they all took photos of their leader who had been forced to pose on top of leBlanc's counter dawned in the respective sash, tiara, feather boa, and curry label septer. a scene that, if the man hadn't stepped out moments ago, would be much to Sojiros displeasure. 

Suddenly Futaba's face fell pinching up into confusion, the crowd stilling as she spoke.  
"Hey… uhh, Akira?, why is someone called Goro texting you that they're outback?" 

Futaba stood in the center of the room holding akiras phone. the phone he had foolishly left on the table. the phone Futaba was now skimming through the texts Goro had sent.  
Quick Akira lept dashing to snatch out of Futaba's hands with a practiced agile breakneck speed.

He looked down at the text. 

🍯Goro🍯: I'm waiting outside of Leblanc in the back just tell me when you're ready for me.  
Read 9:10pm 

'No way of lying on that one, damn Goro and his precise manner of speaking' slowly he turned to face his friends, their eyes all ranging from worried to stern and disapproving. Worst of all among the looks was that of dejection. 

"That was, umm the announcement… I wanted to make it. Here hmm" Akira looked down at his phone shooting a quick 'come in' to Goro. 

"I ran into Goro a couple of weeks ago and I just didn't know how to really tell you guys"  
The bell of the front door jangled as Goro tentatively made his entrance his eyes wide and subtly shy as he scanned the group before landing on Akira their gazes met before fear ran over Goros features as he began to sputter desperately trying to hold in his reaction.  
Suddenly he was laughing uncontrolled and ugly, breathing labored as he held a hand over his mouth. 

Akira looked down and was reminded suddenly of his appearance. He then looked to the horrified and shocked expressions of his friends before he too was suddenly laughing. He had known he had a fetish for pain and humiliation but this, this was truly too much, the irony of which sent him into a fit of hysterics. Goro was trying so desperately to keep his composure; he looked like he was choking to death. This had to be the worst possible way for this to have come to light, they had spent hours and hours meticulously going over heartfelt explorations, apologetic platitudes, and serious points of discussion and to have all of its crash horribly and fantastically before them in a terrible all-consuming childish fever had to have been the most painfully funny thing to have ever happened to him. He was about to lose every single one of his friends to a silly tiara and a pair of cheap ironic plastic shades, until suddenly Sojiro, bless the man, entered the shop.  
Sojiro had run to the corner store to grab some napkins and when he returned to find Akira and a guy he definitely thought was dead, laughing while everyone stood completely dumbfounded, faces gaping like a morning fish market, he couldnt help but lose it. 'these kids kept getting more and more ridiculous with their antics didn't they?' he gave out a joyful full-bodied laugh at the display. He was too old for this. 

Then as the group turned to look at Sojiro and then to each other, they too began to chuckle laughter slowly rising into a full-blown bout of uncontrolled hysteria. 

"We thought you were dead" Makoto snorted, shaking her head violently as she pointed an accusatory finger at goro. 

"Me too" goro cackled as he doubled over the laughter becoming painful as it pushed itself out of his lungs. 

"Where were you?" Ann laughed fanning her face as it became blotchy and red from lack of oxygen. 

"The metaverse" Goro squawked, gripping his ribs as his laughter started to break out into bouts of stuttered breath heaving itself from his lungs in unrefined snorts. 

"where did you find him?" Sumire giggled covering her mouth daintily shooting Akira a sly, knowing grin.

"Crossroads" Akira wheezed, wiping away tears that had pinched up at the crick of his eyes. 

"what, was he selling his body?" Ryuji Howled  
there was a small sniggered pause before the crowd burst back into uproarious laughter. neighbors shouted at them to shut up only for them to laugh harder and louder until suddenly no one could breathe and everyone was clinging onto any and all surfaces they could. all gasping desperately in hopes of catching their breath. 

"w-what the hell man?" Ryuji gasped running his hand over his sweat-stained brow

"seriously, impolite." Haru huffed, grasping tightly onto her chest as she forcibly pushed air into her lungs. 

"I know, I know, I really tried you guys I just, God it gets worse, we- we've been living together too" Akira giggled desperately trying to keep down another fit of laughter. 

"So THAT'S where you've been staying." Sumire pointed ecstatically. 

slowly the group settled down all taking a seat around the booth Akira and goro sitting at the head of the table uncomfortably sandwiched into some spare folding chairs as they awkwardly stood on trial. 

Akira swallowed as he looked at his friends. He had never truly been this scared in his life, his number one fear had been that of rejection and now he was about to bare a part of himself that many had been cast from their homes for or even worse, for revealing.  
Under the table, Goro's hands found akiras giving him a reassuring squeeze. Nails digging painfully into the sides of his palms, a threat, but a comforting one. 

"I know that I haven't been honest with all of you." Akira started voice low and heavy. 

"I also know that not all of you are too keen of me but-" goro interjected voice somewhat unsteady 

"Goro is really… hmm. Goro and I are" Akira continued fumbling with too many ways of phrasing something that should be so simple to say. the group's brows knit in concern as their minds begin to formulate around their own thoughts. 

" I care about Akira very much,” Goro interrupted, the crowd giving him a dubious glance.  
“-and” goro continued raising a hand to stop any possible rebuttals  
“while I've done you and him all harm in the past.” Ryuji scoffs out a bitter huff of unamused air  
“I want to make up for that moving forward and while I dont need you to feel obligated to accept me I just hope you'll find it in you all to accept Akira and everything he is." Goro finished having found his resolve, hand tightening its grip around akiras the points of his nails imprinting little crescents into his skin. 

The group all mulled over the statement, slow to understand the words, some slower than others. Many of them turned to look towards Akira in affirmation. 

Makoto, always having been one of the sharpest began first.  
"Assuming that you're serious about this. I'll trust your judgment," she spoke, her eyes challenging Akira's firm and resolute in her statement.  
Akira nodded thanking her wordlessly. 

"I mean I sorta assumed you two had something going on, I just didn't think it was polite to intrude" Sumire mumbled awkwardly crunching in on herself. 

Futaba has also scrunched up eyes glued to her phone, a steady stream of texts being sent to Akira. he looked at them as Ann positioned herself to speak. 

🛸Futaba: I didn't wanna ever bring it up but I knew too…not about him being alive thing… but both of you thing... I knew for a while.  
🛸Futaba: when I was hacking Goros old phone I sorta didn't stop there and I read some messages.  
🛸Futaba: then Dad sorta told me he thought the two of you might have been something more…  
🛸Futaba: and I pieced it together from there. I figured it just wasn't any of my business… I'm sorry. 

Akira gnawed at his bottom lip, shaking his head at the messages. 

"I support you guys, even if I think it's a little weird… not cuz I think it's weird but that it's just strange cuz everything that uhh happened and yeah" Ann stated awkwardly motioning for someone else to continue. 

"It's not my place to condemn you two, but I can't say that this doesn't feel like some sort of betrayal." Haru interposed her face still and unreadable. 

"I had my suspicions…" Morgana spoke eyes avoidant, voice laced with hurt. "I'm just upset that you didn't trust me enough to tell me sooner."

"Morgana, I'm sorry…I didn't" Akira began 

"It's okay, I just… I think I need some space." Morgana moved towards Haru curling up around her.  
Ryujis' foot began to anxiously tap. 

"I'll be frank with all of you." Yusuke coughed slightly  
Ryuji's foot tapped harder, his arms crossed over his chest, face pointed downward.  
"I-" Yusuke continued "Im a bit lost, rather I think I lack some context as to what is currently transpiring." Yusuke finished the Group turning to give him a range of looks that all spoke of the same exasperated 'really?' Sumire giving a small bemused "seriously?" under her breath. 

then suddenly there was a loud SLAM! as Ryuji's fist made contact with the table plates and bottles rattling with the force of it. The room turned to the noise breaths hitching in unison at the startling outburst.

"Are you all seriously okay with this shit?!" Ryuji asked, eyes filled with seething rage the group gaped stunned and unable to respond. 

"...This is BULLSHIT!" Suddenly Ryuji was storming out fuming as he whipped the shop door closed behind him, booming with a jangled rattle sending shock waves through the shop, the chandeliers, mugs, light shifting and warping with the sway. 

the group blinked all their eyes transfixed on the door nervous and anxious, incapable of taking action. they had all seen Ryuji angry but never at any of them, never at Akira.

"Go after him you idiot" goro hissed, pushing Akira from his chair. Akira looked down confused and unsure. 

"He's your friend. Its me, not you obviously." goro supplied. 

As the rest of the group turned to gawk at goro, Akira quickly tore the silly clothes from his body, sprinting out the door to chase Ryuji down and as Ryuji noticed Akiras pursuit He began to sprint.

They ran block after block twisting and turning into narrow alleys and bike paths over tipped over trash cans and around bike racks.

"Stop chasing me ASSHOLE!" Ryuji screamed, pumping his arms vigorously, pushing himself to move faster, harder. 

"THEN STOP RUNNING!" Akira heaved legs already starting to give out, 'sex seriously isn't enough to keep me in shape.' He thought vision swimming with exhaustion. 

Slowly Ryuji slowed down allowing Akira to catch up with him panting and wheezing as the taste of copper filled his mouth. 

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" Ryuji pushed at Akira, angry and upset, words wet and thick. 

"what that I- that I was with goro?" Akira blanched panting as he keened over lungs stinging. 

"What? No! im not fucking stupid you shithead." Ryuji growled running his hands through his short ruffled locks. 

"Why didn't you tell me you liked guys?" Ryuji bit out teeth clenched as he kicked at a loose scrap of garbage. 

"W-what?" Akira panted looking up at Ryuji. 

"OKAY YEA! Of course im angry about the Goro shit but im angrier that you didnt fucking tell me you where gay!" Ryuji grumbled leaning up against the wall of the alley they were currently inhabiting. 

"Im…" Akira started completely baffled. 

"I was always going on about chicks and stuff and you just were going along with it the whole time! I feel like a complete asshole!" Ryuji groaned, running his hands over his face. 

"Holy shit Ryuji, I like girls too" Akira chuckled, moving to lean against the opposing wall head turned upward. 

"wait… is that a thing?" Ryuji gaped his eyes wide. 

"Pffft… Dude is that seriously what you were so upset about" Akira snickered 

"Yes! I mean… no, I guess not… I think" Ryuji rubbed at his neck bashfully kicking up dust. 

"I'm just upset cuz I feel like, I thought we were best friends, ya know? and I felt like I could tell you anything, no matter how weird. and I felt like it was always just you and me against the world and we never had to hide anything from each other cuz we were sick and tired of always having to hide shit from everyone else. but it really hurts to know that maybe you didn't feel the same way about it… about us… is all." Ryuji sniffled, wrist rubbing at his nose.

Akira had broken ryuji's trust. It wasn't even as if Akira was in the closet, he just liked the comfort and fun that came with being ambiguous. But it wasn't just his orientation, it was everything, he had been thoroughly dishonest with Ryuji in ways he wasn't sure he could ever make up for. But he could try. 

"You're right dude, i'm sorry…..I really like goro, and yea guys, I even had a crush on you when we first started hanging out" Akira laughed, shaking droplets of sweat from his hair. 

"what? seriously?" Ryuji chuckled, shifting on his feet. 

"Yea, I even flirted with Yusuke a bunch to try and like get a read on him but uhh I don't know if he ever picked up on it" Akira reminisced eyes following a moth as it danced around a street light. 

"Yea the dudes kinda dense" Ryuji hummed, crossing his arms the night air chilling his sweat-soaked skin.

“....”

"so… you and goro then? that's pretty weird, he totally shot you in the head dude." Ryuji shoved his hands in his pockets looking up at the telephone wires that stretched out across the sky. 

"You know we actually hung out a lot before all that, I think maybe he was in love with me when he pulled the trigger," Akira spoke tentatively thinking about all the pain he endured during that time still left him aching. 

"That's pretty intense …" Ryuji offered 

Akira smiled, nodding his head in agreement.  
"God that's an understatement.  
You know, shortly after he joined the group he brought me down into mementos for a duel, he was super hardcore about it too, threw a glove at me and everything... said he hated me but the way he said it, set my blood on fire. I think maybe that was his way of confessing to me?"

“Sorry dude still not getting it” ryuji shrugged, giving a disapproving shake of his head.

Akira rolled his eyes as his phone buzzed briefly.  
🛸Futaba: Hey, did you find Ryuji??  
You: Yea.  
🛸Futaba: are you two alright <:?  
You: I think so, we talked it out a bit, we're just hanging.  
🛸Futaba: you should come back then before either sojiro or Goro kills someone. 

"That Futaba?" Ryuji asked, leaning over to peak at the text. 

"Yea, she's saying we should head back. That's cool with you?" 

Ryuji nodded "we can talk more later about it… I'm still a bit angry but…" 

Akira nodded in response. the two moving to walk back towards Leblanc. Akira peaked back at the messages. 

🛸Futaba: Also cuz we're all talking about being honest n stuff I thought I should be honest  
You: oh?  
🛸Futaba: I saw some of the photos you sent when I was skimming through your messages with Akechi

Akira choked as he breathed in his own spit, throwing him into coughing fit. 

"Yo dude are you okay?" Ryuji stopped slapping akiras back in an attempt to help. 

"yEa I'm Fine!!" Akira coughed his face turning deep red with shame and lack of oxygen. He would never be able to look Futaba in the eyes again.  
Goro had even warned him about the dangers of sexting. But had Akira listened?

No, no he hadn't.


End file.
